


ART NOT HEART

by CrimsonEmbrace



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:25:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonEmbrace/pseuds/CrimsonEmbrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SAI NEEDS LOVE</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ART NOT HEART

**Author's Note:**

> WROTE IN 2010

**ART NOT HEART**

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Everybody always wanted something, why did he think Taka wouldn’t be the same?  Why did it bring him so much bitterness?  Yes, he could do it, and yes often it was good… but the joy had gone out of it, the expectations of people sapping all desire.  “Yes. I will do it.”  The somber note in his voice was totally swallowed beneath the glee his lover expressed.  The exuberant man was oblivious to Sai’s weary sigh as he pulled out the pad and drew the picture requested down to the last detail he’d been expected to add.  There was no spontaneity, no freedom, no discovery of unexpected thoughts and ideas showing up on the paper… no, it was just how his eager partner had desired.  The drawing meant nothing, the fine strokes empty and lifeless in his heart.  His boyfriend laughed in delight as the scene left the paper and settled around him, but the dark-haired nin just watched without interest, without happiness… he could remember when drawing these gave him pleasure.  
  
With a forced smile Sai excused himself. “I must go now, I have a mission."  Lost in the wonder of his fantasy, Taka merely nodded as the pale nin slipped out the door.  The illusion would last for a bit longer before melting into nothingness.   
  
The mission was successful, of course.  His teammates Ino and Choji seemed to forget him the moment they’d stepped back into the village and even now were making plans to meet later with others at a restaurant.  He waited, and when they remembered he was there they returned to ‘business’, “Ok who’s going to do the mission report?”  Ino queried, but it was more than evident that it was simply a hint that they wanted Sai to take care of it, and he did.  Without ever breaking his careful serine façade he gave the expected reply. “I will file it.”  He had years of practice suppressing his emotions and the two nin happily turned walking away with excited gestures and playful taunts… friends… going to meet more friends…   
  
\------------------------------  
  
The report was quickly submitted and it was time to return home.  It may have been a sunny day, but as he left the mission office he felt nothing of the joy the villagers he passed felt.  It was as if clouds drifted over him, blocking out the light and even if there was a gap in the bleak expanse he could see another coming.  He was weary, not of body, but of heart.  As he walked toward his shared apartment and his lover, the once soft gentle spring caress of the wind seemed to buffet him, leaving him off balance.  He thought of Naruto and Sasuke, they had been in the mission office, and for a minute he felt a flash of his old inspiration... an enthusiasm he had thought gone for good.  Their expressions of barely concealed love so very intriguing… his gaze had followed them as they left and he waited to turn in the mission report.  As he left the building, Sai found himself walking away from his apartment, it was as if something had seized him.  The almost magnetic pull griped him and his hand wandered down to rest on his sketch pad.  In moments he’d nearly caught up with the two enamored nin, Naruto now leaning into Sasuke slightly while they walked and as they entered the building he saw the tender way Sasuke’s hand now rested on his lover's lower back.  Naruto smiling up at him with obvious joy.  The cinnamon tone of his skin was a bold contrast to the fine porcelain white of his mate’s and watching the two men made him wish he could find some way to sketch them.   
  
His decision to sit outside their window later that night wasn’t a great surprise, nor had it been hard to slip away from Taka who had gone to bed wrapped in yet another illusion.  Now seated within easy view of his subjects, but out of their view, he watched, pencil poised inches from his sketch pad, waiting for that one scene that would spur him.  The love the two men had for one another was reflected in the slow adoring passionate sex that followed.  
  
Sasuke’s skin glowed in the moonlight, the light sheen of sweat accenting the ridges of his muscles and Sai could see them flex beautifully, the fluid grace of his movements.  The more caramel tone, classic expanse of Naruto’s body was no less stunning, the two men forming a contrast that perfectly highlighted the other's strengths, an asymmetry that was poetic in its blend of refined curves and dramatic angles.  His hand moved skillfully across the paper in a multitude of sketches, his eyes never leaving the mesmerizing scene for long.  
  
The ivory form cupped Naruto’s from behind, cradling his lover against his body, the blonde’s ass fit perfectly into the cradle of Sasuke’s hips.  The dark-haired nin’s arms wrapped around the lean body cupping and gently massaging the his life mate's balls as his other hand slipped up and down the rigid length of his glorious cock, stroking up to the head circling and returning to the base before resuming its enthralling path up once more.  Naruto moaned and panted in long wanton cries of pleasure at his beloved's skilled touch.  Sai could feel his own stiff length demanding attention, but it was only a minor distraction, easily ignored as his hand flew over the sketchpad and his eyes drank in the poetic scene before him.  Watching Sasuke’s hand caressing and teasing his partner, while the tawny skinned man writhed against him rapturously.  The pleasure of it was as satisfying emotionally as the sensation of his cock seated deep within the tight heat of Taka’s ass would be physically… no, this was more pleasurable, his senses aroused as much as his body.  
  
The creamy flesh sliding between the honey brown rounded globes of Naruto’s ass as Sasuke rocked his hips in time with his hand's strokes, the long pale fingers wrapped decoratively around the darker shaft growing faster as his flaxen haired lover neared release.  The damp ringlets of the blonde's hair curling, clinging in tendrils like the rivulets of a slow sunlit stream.  Naruto’s body trembled and his hips thrust into his partner's grasp, his body arched as he wailed in ecstasy, gasping and shaking his body bowed tight, his cum shooting out to cover his companion's hand and making it slip easier.  Sasuke milked every cry of passion from him, every buck of his hips as he emptied his balls until he lay sated and exhausted against the solid heat of his mate's frame.  
  
Sai was enthralled as he quickly made rough sketches, drinking in the perfect rapture of inspiration such as he’d never had before.  This one would be his masterpiece, sitting outside two nin’s windows was a big risk and these sketches would only be a start.  Still he knew even as he rose and leapt through the trees back to his home that he could never resist the impulse to return.  These first works would be a base, but he’d have to return for skin highlights and to capture those amazing expressions on their faces.  He couldn’t let anyone know about this… not his lover and not the two men who had finally gave him back a gift he’d thought he’d lost.  
  
Naruto could feel Sai leave, they were laying in contented bliss in each other's arms it was clear Sasuke had known about their watcher as well.  “Do you think…” The dark-haired man’s words trailed off, uncertain how to express the thoughts swirling nebulously within himself.  But he needn't have bothered to, he could see it in his beloved’s eyes… concern, confusion, compassion… and curiosity.  Why had the slender nin choose to follow them back to their apt… why had he chosen to stay?  Neither believed it could be simply voyeurism, not from Sai…  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The next day in the mission's office Sai knew his secret was known to his muse… but in spite of the knowledge in their eyes neither looked disturbed by that fact he had watched them. Sasuke left the missions office seconds before him, and he found the serious Jounin waiting outside, a faint hint of curiosity in the ebony depths of his eyes. The last remaining Uchicha member wanted to know why and he was grateful for the knowledge that ‘pretty' and unnecessary words would not be expected.  Sai went to the straight to point. “I wish to thank you and Naruto for bring back a love I had thought I’d lost… I apologize for infringing on your privacy, but I do not regret it."  
  
Sasuke gave a slight nod indicating he wished to walk as they talked and he complied, continuing his explanation in a serine tone, although in truth his heart hammered inside... not in fear, but excitement… Sasuke’s skin was so luminescent in the late morning sun, the highlight calling to mind the play of light and shadows over his features as he and Naruto had made love.  
  
“He loves you deeply… that is part of the attraction.  I must paint you both… capture the pure emotion, the bold contrast of your bodies, the almost visual ties that bind you with him.”  Sasuke still wasn’t looking at him as he talked but Sai knew he was listening. “You were gone with Orochimaru when I first met Naruto… he has a fire with in him that draws me.  I watched Naruto… saw the way he looked when he talked of you.  I wanted that so much for myself… for him to look at me like that.  To see love in his eyes… for me, but he never gave up on you… no matter what you did he never gave up.  All of your Team seven remained drawn to you, connected in a way I had never experienced and I never was anything but a shadow of you.”  
  
At Sai’s admission of interest in Naruto Sasuke’s posture had stiffened, but the willowy nin continued, “I realized it wasn’t Naruto’s love I wanted so badly.  I wanted others to feel that bond with me, but even now I cannot achieve that connection.  Watching you both is as close as I can come to that, to the purity and deep devotion… to the beauty of life.  Through you both I can see the beauty in the world again… I’m afraid I cannot help using you both.  I am sorry.  I need you and Naruto…”  
  
Sasuke nodded, the tension had left his posture and once more he walked as seemingly emotionless as Sai knew he appeared himself.  Neither spoke and as they split and walked off toward their homes, no further mention was made of it.   
  
Soon the picture was done; it was truly a beautiful piece, one of the best he’d been able to do in a very long time.  Sai leapt into the subject's window sill and placed the picture just inside the window before leaving.  He was grateful for the way that Naruto and Sasuke had accepted his ‘attendance’ and behaved as they always had.  With the glow of passion that surrounded them both in every gesture he knew this wouldn’t be the last he’d make.   
  
Sasuke walked into the bedroom; Naruto had forgotten his kunai pouch, his eyes fell upon the picture placed carefully just to the side of the window.  The picture was of Naruto cupped against Sasuke’s body his head resting back against his shoulder, upturned in rapture, his eyes closed and lips parted in a moan of pleasure.  While Sasuke's pale hand wrapped around his cock, his face partly hidden as he placed kisses on his beloved's throat.   
  
He didn’t know what to say, but luckily there would never be a need, it was well known that when Sai painted it was the action and art, not the completed project, that was the point.  The strange, quiet nin was known for leaving his completed pictures with those who were the subject or leaving them at the place that brought him the inspiration.   
  
It wasn’t until Sai had thanked him for ‘bringing back the love’ of his art that Sasuke suddenly realized that it had been a long time since he’d seen one of his pictures.  Carefully picking up the stunning work of art, he hung it on the wall of their room, every time they left the room they would be able to see it.  The haze of love that surrounded them in the picture reminded him of the sense of ‘home, belonging and love' he had for Naruto, and how lucky he was to have it.  
  
Sai smiled, watching Sasuke’s unguarded expression as he looked at the painting was gratifying, but also gave him ideas of many possibilities the couple held for him… sunlight on hair brought out the multitude of colors in it.  Hair color was never just one color it was a collection of colors together to create the color that was best and most easily grasped by the eye… even black had many other colors under a perfect cloudless sky, but for now Taka would be waiting for him.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sai didn't mourn the end of yet another empty relationship.  Taka had left him, but it didn't matter, he knew it couldn't be anything from the beginning... the only thing he had true was his art, his one love that would never leave him.  
  
He drew as deep a breath as was possible and released it slowly in a failed attempt to push away the torment, the angry nightmares and most of all the loneliness.  This was the real reason he now refused to do anything but solo missions… it wasn’t that he was so much better than other nin, in most cases he was, but that he couldn’t bear being inserted into others teams as an extra… a body to temporarily replace their missing teammate, he didn’t belong.  It was so much worse to be alone while in a group, forgotten… ignored.  He could still remember every detail of Naruto’s expression as he stated he’d never be anywhere as good as Sasuke.  It was the first time he’d been teamed up with anyone, and it set his role in place.   
  
That was what he was, a temporary substitute and nothing more.  Everyone praised his naked talent, but that was it.  No one saw him as more than his skill and what it could do for them.  The ends of the missions full of excited chatter, no one even saw him, once they had no more need of his skill he was a tool to be put away until next time.  
  
Sai rose and grabbed his sketch book then leapt out of the window with well practiced grace, he wandered the quiet village looking for that one thing that would make his night have meaning.  Hearing the small rustles in the grass of little rodents foraging nervously, listening for the sound of wings that signaled their deaths.  The balance of nature was an unappreciated beauty, sitting quietly at the edge of the training field he simply waited, his instinct told him that this was the place, now he had only to wait, but for what he didn’t know, the windswept grasses played a soothing melody.  He could feel the owl as he flew by unnoticed by the rodents still absorbed in their hunt for food.  The moon shone off the pale markers at the other end of the field, as the evening progressed, mist rose from the ground, the warmth of the earth giving in to the call of the cooler air and rising to meet it.  
  
He lay back looking up into the sky; the pattern of the clouds against the bloody moon called to him and he put away his pencils grabbing his colored chalk he began capturing the sight, slowly shading and blending until he'd captured the image.  The way the light hit the tops of the trees lighting them with a pale almost bleak glow, so unlike the pure light of a common full moon... capturing the subtle variants at the angle and type of leaves, the owl a barely visible dark shadow on a low branch... it was a somber picture but one that held a mournful beauty.  Now complete Sai lay it against the tree and started home; it did not feel like a home... even when he had a lover... he had no home.  Tomorrow he would request a solo mission, something that would take him away from the village for a while...   
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------

**END CHAP. 1**


	2. ART NOT HEART: CHAP 2: ONLY SKIN DEEP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIP OR MISUNDERSTANDING?

**CHAPTER 2: ONLY SKIN DEEP**

  
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**(Sai)**  
  
Sai groaned loudly, it didn’t matter because no one was there to care.  Somehow he’d escaped his captors, but the blood loss from a serious wound on his leg as he fled had taken its toll.  He lay weakly on the hot sand, slowly he scraped down, clearing an area large enough for his body.  The sand deep below the heated surface was cool… too cool, it shouldn’t feel this cold and even in his delirium it was clear to the badly injured nin that he had a fever.  The heat of the sun above and the cool sand below left him shaking… or perhaps it was just the great amount of blood he had lost.  After he’d escaped he’d bound his injured leg, the bleeding had slowed and finally stopped after he’d stopped using the abused limb.  Sai fought to remain conscious, this was too dangerous, the route he’d taken was clear… marked with his blood it led right to him.   
  
It was both salvation, of a cruel type, and further torture as the wind suddenly whipped at him.  The sand scouring his flesh through the many tears in his uniform and he turned his face into the sand below him, the particles adhering to his mouth and nose.  The grit was worth being spared the whip of the wind.  When the sandstorm passed, as quickly as it came, his mouth was coated, the sand gritting in his teeth as he closed his mouth to try to retain the last of the moisture within.  The only benefit from the storm was that he knew his path was now gone, the stained sand blown away on the winds.   
  
Exhausted Sai slipped into unconsciousness, the violent shivering of his body finally woke him.  Night had fallen and the desert was now as freezing cold as it had been hot during the day.  The cold felt like icy fingers through the many openings in what once was a uniform.  Now he had a new problem, soon the scavengers would come drawn by the smell of his blood, and he was too weak to fight them off.  He mourned the loss of his scrolls and ink, if he had those… but he didn’t.   
  
The only solution was one that was dangerous, possibly fatal… Sai braced himself and pushed his finger into his open leg wound.  The slow flow of blood was reassuring, he’d been afraid his action would start the area bleeding heavily once more.  As much blood as he’d lost he couldn’t survive the freezing cold if he lost any more, hypothermia would rob him of his life long before the sun rose.  The now nearly skeletal nin bared his stomach; it was all too easy given that the cloth was nearly shredded after the sand storm.   
  
Slowly, Sai began to draw upon his skin, forcing himself to dig his finger into the wound to gather blood, he drew a Nihonzaru.  He wished he could have managed a Komainu but it was too much, this was the best he could do, baboons were intelligent although not large… but even with their quick wit and intelligence would it be worth the gamble?   
  
The fact was his fresh bleeding had intensified the blood scent, the protection he’d gain was balanced with a greater chance he’d catch the attention of something the macaque couldn’t win against.  Baring his chest he drew another, it was possible they would be able to protect him, but it depended on fate.  If a large predator or pack came he’d die.  
  
He had to remain conscious or his creations would disappear, only given life by manipulation of his chakra.  Sai hadn’t realized he’d slipped into a daze. He was barely conscious when a sharp pain stabbed into his chest, now fully awake he could hear his sentry fighting.  The fact he’d felt pain was the connection he had to them due to the use of his blood and skin as the canvas…   
  
The almost humanlike screams shook him, it didn’t help to try to tell himself they were chakra, nothing more.  No, he couldn’t deny his feelings of responsibility and gratitude towards them.  The sharp flash of pain that had roused him meant one had been 'killed'.  Then the sounds of battle ceased… his remaining protector had managed to dissuade the animal that had come to make him it’s meal.  Sai silently prayed the animal would not return.  His luck, such as it was, lasted through the night but by the morning he was so cold his hands and lower legs were numb.   
  
The heat of the sun felt good but he knew that would quickly change, small areas of his pale skin were badly sunburned and with the shredding of the wind the newly exposed skin would soon be as well.  He wouldn’t last another night, as hopeless as it was he had to try to get help.  He didn’t know how far it was to the Sand village, or even what direction it lay, having been delirious at the end of his flight but it was his only hope.  
  
All he had were his creations… and they were drawn in blood.  He wasn’t sure if they’d be strong enough, as the sun baked his flesh his sweat would gradually dissipate the drawings… it was both a blessing and a possibly fatal curse that he was so dehydrated at this point he wasn’t sure he would sweat, and if he did it would be slowly.   
  
It took a sheer force of will to force himself to ravage his wound once more, drawing mice on every area of his body he could reach, he created a small swarm of mice that quickly dashed off on their mission, scattering in every direction.  Throughout the morning, the familiar aches all over his skin told him of the losses of his mice… the number had dwindled slowly until he was sure there were only 2 or 3 left.   
  
His vision grayed as he fought to remain conscious, the welcome darkness beckoned him.  He focused on the sensation of the sun searing his flesh, burning like he was on fire, using the pain to give him strength... but even that would not be enough and that by midday he knew he’d be dead.  His time had ran out.  Sai lost the fight, he gave in to the darkness, his body numbing as he died.  The feel of hands and sound of strange men’s horrified voices went unheard.  
  
\------------------------------------  
  
Sai opened his eyes and fear surged through him, he couldn’t see clearly or move, as he became fully conscious he evaluated his situation… he had the fuzzy impression of a room.  He tried to move his arms and was rewarded with a pain so severe it nearly made him pass out once more.  He closed his eyes, he was too weak to fight, he gave in to the darkness and slipped into a deep sleep.   
  
\-------------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara drifted quietly into the room to stand beside the bed.  Who was this man… only the remaining Leaf emblem sewn into the rags of what had once been his uniform gave any indication of his identity.  All areas of the nin’s body were now covered, wrapped in bandages, only his eyes remained uncovered.  Although the medics had argued they should be covered as well, but Gaara knew the panic that a nin would feel at waking to his eyes tightly covered and body immobilized… the adrenaline surge could possibly kill him.   
  
The burns had been so severe that the man was unrecognizable, even if it had been a nin the red-haired leader knew, which it quite probably wasn’t… black hair, the few covered strips of skin had been so pale that it nearly matched his own… the only Leaf nin he knew that bore those characteristics was Sasuke and that was simply not possible for too many reasons to list.   
  
The sound of a nurse entering the room was dismissed as unimportant as Gaara continued to watch the man.  They’d sent a messenger hawk to the Leaf village but although the delivery of the message had taken less than an hour there was no way that anyone from the Leaf village would appear before three days had passed… all they could do was wait.  Wait and see if the badly ravaged nin would survive.  Gaara felt a powerful draw to stay as he walked out of the room, but as Kazikage he had responsibilities that couldn’t be set aside.  Still even as he left he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away for long; something about the injured man called to him…   
  
\--------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Waking up in agony, bound once more, Sai panicked.  His eyesight so cloudy he could only see shapes and the need to escape blinding him to the fact that his captors would not have bandaged his devastated body.  A low melodic voice broke through the fear and gave him comfort. “You are safe.”  His adrenaline now spent, the struggling he’d done weakened him and brought the true black of unconsciousness once more.   
  
The next hours, days, weeks… there was no way to tell how much time had passed, Sai endured the agony of his bandages pealed from his abused weeping flesh then rewrapped, the bandages feeling like sandpaper on his exposed nerves, powerful surges of pain long after they stopped the torture.  His eyes hurt too badly to attempt to open, he knew they tried to take the pain from him but it was too much and often he’d sink back into the now comforting darkness.   
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
The nurse checked the IV, then slowly began changing the man’s bandages, unwrapping him was a slow process, the cloth clung to his weeping cracked flesh and required being wet thoroughly before each section was released and exposed.  Gaara was grateful the pain meds were working well enough to take away the pain…   
  
The man’s eyes shot open, looking directly at Gaara, and he tried to move.  The broken gasp would have been a scream had the nin not been so dehydrated his throat had been damaged, the obvious agony in his gaze sent an answering pain through Gaara’s heart.  “Stop.”  Although quiet there was no mistaking the command in his voice and the nurse immediately stopped, removing her hands from the patient. “Can we give him any more pain killers…?”  The nurse nodded and immediately left the room.   
  
Gaara soothed the panicked nin, no one would recognize the deep emotion in the usually stoic man’s voice.  “I’m sorry, we will give you more painkillers.”  The Kazikage looked at the door, he knew the nurse would hurry, but the soft rasp of a noise drew his eyes back to the injured man.  He looked at Gaara almost desperately, it was clear he didn’t want to be left alone… a feeling the former Jinchuuriki host understood, although to a slightly different extent.  The nin was completely immobilized, unable to see or talk and in a strange place... it would be terrifying to be so helpless even if he hadn't just escaped captivity. “I won’t leave.” He promised gently, he had duties and papers, important scrolls to read and write and meetings with important people, but he meant it.  He would not leave as long as he needed him.   
  
How long had the nin been held prisoner by some unknown captor… or captors?  It was obvious he’d been tortured even with the extensive sun and wind damage that covered his body.  The strange rust colored mouse that had appeared in the village had caught instant attention, but before it could finish leading them to him it suddenly disappeared… a jutsu.  He could be wondering how they had found him.  “Your mouse came, it made it all the way to the Sand village… it lasted long enough to lead us almost all the way back to you.”  The man flinched and it was obvious he’d tried to nod.   
  
The nurse returned, injecting a pain killer and sedative into his IV; it was obvious she was shaken and with a slightly forced calm she told him, “It’s ok now, you’re safe… I’ve given you something to take away the pain… it will make you sleepy.”  The ebony black eyes shifted to the nurse then returned to the Kazikage once more. He looked a great deal more calm now, but Gaara was honored to note, the calm came long before the medicine could kick in… he'd brought the man comfort by staying beside him.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai felt his body go numb, his thoughts fuzzy, and closed his eyes.  Even with them closed his could feel the presence of the fair skinned man who had stayed beside him, he’d felt the man’s presence many times since he’d first woke.  A soft whispery voice out of the dark, it soothed him in a way that defied definition.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
The days had passed, the Leaf village had sent one of their finest med nin, Sakura now nursed Sai exclusively, no other was allowed.  Gaara watched as the pink-haired kunoichi poured her chakra into the badly burned body, sometimes so much of her chakra that she had to be watched so she wouldn’t collapse on the floor beside the bed.   
  
Gaara knew the slowly recovering nin… Sai, that’s what Sakura had called him… Gaara knew he was in good hands, there was no more need for him to come and yet he did as if drawn to the man’s side.  The Sand village did not have any information on Sai, but given the situation they determined it wasn’t a priority, few thought he’d ever be fully functional again… and still Gaara was compelled to come.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
For Sai the only true relief from the mental agony of his being totally rendered immobile and the physical spears of agony from his abused body was the whisper soft voice of his frequent visitor and he began to look forward to those times with an eagerness he’d never felt about anything before.  Often he forced his eyes open, if only briefly, to meet those calm soothing eyes… they were an oasis in the midst of the horror.   
  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara was there the day they’d finally unbandaged his face… the coal black hair was not unexpected but it wasn’t the nearly ashen shade no more, it was richer, dark to a point it nearly shined.  When he met the man’s deep, intelligent eyes he felt the nebulous connection between them solidify.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
The velvet tone took away the loneliness, the emptiness in a way Sakura could never match.  When Sai truly saw him for the first time it was with a shocked surprise, he’d not noticed in the brief moments he’d forced his eyes open anything but the serenity of the other man’s eyes… but now he noted the man’s skin was truly as pale as his own… well as pale as his had once been, now it was a patchwork of tan, dry, peeling flesh, with the occasional hint of the pink of the new skin beneath.  Sai forced his thoughts from his ravaged body and continued his in depth study of the ethereal man before him.   
  
Flame red hair, ivory skin… the fine almost delicate features surrounding eyes as wise as an old sage… and those eyes!  Those amazing eyes, a color defying description… the only comparison he had was the brilliant shade of spring green of the first bold plants braving the snow to rise toward the sun… and that was so empty a comparison.  Sai’s fingers ached to draw him, to grab a brush, to try to capture that color… bring to life a mirror of the extraordinary man who stood so serenely meeting his gaze.   
  
Without thought Sai reached out to touch him… the resulting spasms of pain as his abused stiffened skin cracked at the movement drove all breath from him and left him gasping on the bed and trying not to whimper.  The searing pain was like someone injected fire into his body.  
  
The man did not rush towards him like he was weak, made no effort to chide him into remaining still.  Respectful, he was a person who would honor his right to do as he pleased and attempt to recover at his own pace.  The sympathy in his gaze spoke volumes, but he spoke no useless words of apology for his pain, only waited until he had caught his breath, then moved closer.  Allowing that if Sai wanted to touch him he may.   
  
In spite of the pain Sai tried once more his fingers brushing over the ivory skin of the man’s arm… the physical pain he felt was dwarfed by the horror and pain he now felt and tears sprung to his eyes as he turned his face away… he couldn’t feel him… his fingers were badly burned… he couldn’t feel anything. He may never draw… never paint again… and his jutsu…   
  
The whispery silken voice drew him back. “You will recover, if it’s gone you’ll adapt.”  To anyone else those would have been thought cruel words, but to Sai they were praise, respect… this man was sure he was strong, that he was smart and resourceful, that he wouldn’t let anything limit him.   
  
Sai turned back his eyes meeting the fascinating green once more, his voice barely audible the effort made his throat burn as he whispered.  “Thank you.”  Gaara gave a slight nod.  This wonderful crimson haired man lacked the useless ‘social graces’, the ridiculous need to express words that were evident in his eyes.   
  
\------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Sai was not allowed to talk for several days after the unwrapping of his face and Gaara found himself easily talking to him, it felt natural, like they had been close all their lives.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Days passed, Sakura had done all she could, now it was up to time and Sai to heal and regain the mobility he once had.  Several times a day she massaged ointments into his stiff skin, the areas of scar tissue that were so tight they felt like they were tearing as he attempted to move them, but he had to move, it was the only way to get his life back and care for himself once more.   
  
The serine and stunningly handsome man, the Kazikage of the Sand village, still came often.  Sometimes they would just sit, comfortable in each other's presence, they were content to merely look out the window at the desert.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara watched his friend… they had become so close in such a short time.  Sai still had a great deal of healing to do, and rehabilitation to get free movement once more.  Gaara held great respect for the mental strength and bravery he displayed daily, obviously in great pain he would continue slowly forward, determined to regain his life.  The council was wrong, Sai would not give up, he would adapt… he was a strong Leaf nin and an exceptional man.  
  
  
\---------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sakura had returned to the Leaf village she would report everything to Lady Tsunade, including the now trivial information Sai nearly lost his life obtaining, the threat had been taken care of and the gathered information was useless.  For some that would bring a bitterness but he accepted it, as a nin his life could end at any time, if it brought vital information that was good but even if it didn’t it was just his fate.  
  
Sai looked out over the sands, he supposed he should find them horrible after nearly dying out upon them … but they looked so beautiful from the safety of the patio, with cool darkness only steps away.  He wasn’t supposed to go out for more than a minute and the healers would have preferred not even that much.   
  
His skin agreed with the ‘doctors’ order, the sun was like hot metal on his tender new skin and after his captivity he knew very well what hot metal felt like… he still felt it in his dreams.  He glanced down at the healing cuts… he wasn’t sure how many were actually cuts or which were places his abused skin had split.   
  
In the beginning of his hospital stay they hadn’t even been visible with his flesh chard so thoroughly by the sun and the burns from his torture had only blended with the rest of his ravaged skin… his whole body a excruciating well of agony.  The pain was easing everyday that passed… or perhaps it was better described as changing.  The scar tissue was tight, his flexibility gone, it would be a long recovery to a freedom of movement he’d once had.  The stretching of his skin was painful, but he welcomed it; they began rubbing oils and lotions into the reluctantly giving flesh and he’d push himself through the pain gratefully… it meant his nerves had not been destroyed in that area if it hurt…   
  
He knew he looked quite horrible, his body a patchwork of various shades of pink, but his looks did not bother him.  It did not matter if he never looked ‘normal’ again, it wasn’t like he had anyone who’d care, he was still looked on as an automation, a freak by his peer group in the Leaf village and probably always would be.   
  
The source of all his distress was his hands, he studied them even as he retreated back into the shade, like a great deal of his body they were stiff, the skin so taut it hurt to move his fingers and he lacked even the dexterity to dress himself… but the worst was that the tips of his fingers were so badly damaged that even now that all the skin had renewed he still couldn’t feel anything.  Every day the healers checked but it had not changed and it was uncertain if he’d ever regain feeling.   
  
He could take being ‘ugly’ but he couldn’t bear the thought of never drawing, never painting… it wasn’t that it was his jutsu, he could learn other skills but loosing that ability was like losing a limb, drawing and painting were so much a part of him that the loss of it was the worst pain of any he’d endured.   
  
One of his many and great sources of discouragement was his powerful desire to sketch the seraphic man he now considered his friend, it still was not possible and may never be.  All the time he was alone Sai spent trying to hurry along his recovery, trying to draw or paint, but that often ended in terrible frustration and pain as he tried to force his clumsy fingers to move right… and to judge how hard he was pressing without being able to feel the brush.  
  
Sai had retreated to the shade and sensed Gaara’s presence before he heard him, “The day is ending, would you like to take evening meal with me?” It was the first time he’d been asked to formally dine with the ‘Kazikage’.  Sai looked regretful, “I’m afraid I can’t.”  As an explanation he reached out to attempt to pick up a pencil, his fingers scrabbling at the area as he tried to judge when to close them without being able to feel anything… finally knocking not only the pencil to the floor but several other items on the table his awkward movements had upset… it wasn’t just that he couldn’t feel the objects, he could not get his stiff digits to move smoothly.  
  
Gaara nodded, his gaze accepting, “We will eat here tonight.”  Sai looked curiously at him.  
  
“Now that you have recovered sufficiently I would like to take my meals with you.” Gaara’s tone was so comforting, the acceptance and action of simply going forth with what they had instead of trying for what was still out of reach brought a warmth to Sai that only this man had ever given him, it was gratefulness but also so much more he couldn’t grasp.  The Kazikage called an attendant and arranged their meal to be brought up to them.  
  
Sai wasn’t sure how successful his attempt at eating would be, he often dumped the foods on his plate in his attempts to pick them up.  When the food came he smiled gratefully at his friend, Gaara was so very thoughtful, the food was skewered meats and tubers… all he had to do was gain a grasp on the knobbed end and lift it to his mouth.  Their meal went fairly well, he only knocked over the tea once and Gaara didn’t look concerned, just waited as the attendant changed the table cloth and they continued unbothered.  
  
As the staff cleaned up Gaara and Sai walked out on the balcony, the evening breeze was gentle and warm.  He sat on a bench and watched curiously as Gaara returned to the room and came back with a lotion, he squirt some on the tight flesh of Sai’s hands and began massaging them.   
  
Sai was surprised, his friend made everything seem so natural… his companion worked the stiff skin with a firm but not terribly painful touch, not afraid to cause him the necessary pain, and knowing Sai would not find it upsetting that he didn’t pander to him.   
  
As Gaara’s hands moved over the numb flesh Sai just watched, but when his fingers had reached his wrist he gasped sharply. Gaara paused but didn’t draw his hands away or look apologetic, only understanding, “The area is tender?”   
  
Sai felt his face heat, he’d never blushed before and it took a minute for him to identify it.  He nodded and calmly replied, “Yes, but not tender… sensitive.”  He did not elaborate further but Gaara’s amazing gaze fell to Sai’s lap, noting the fact he was now extremely aroused.  The observation only brought an accepting nod, “Do you wish me to stop?” Gaara asked serenely.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara hid the surge of excitement he felt as he realized his touch had aroused his friend, it was merely a reaction to the massage and not truly attraction… although he suddenly realized he would not mind if it was… Sai looked a bit confused and conflicted with his bodies reaction.  


  
**(Sai)**  
  
“No.” It was a huge revelation as he realized his feelings about Gaara… his desire to feel him was so strong… he’d never felt desire before... lust yes, but not a powerful need like this.  He considered the thought, analyzing it until the tease of his friend’s fingers clouded his mind, then just relaxed into it accepting his bodies reaction.  His cock throbbed in yearning but it wasn’t a terribly uncomfortable sensation and Sai ignored it.  Breathing deeply as he watched the elegant fingers working the lotion into his skin.   
  
Everywhere his companion touched seemed to send pulses of pleasure through him, although a bit breathy he asked, “Is this a lotion you brought?”  Gaara nodded.  Sai drew a ragged breath, “It… feels different than the stuff Sakura left.”  He swore no ointment or lotion had ever felt this pleasant, and almost ‘magically’ it softened the skin, the new flesh so sensitive the softest breeze was a seductive caress.   
  
Gaara nodded as he replied, “I thought perhaps our medicines would be more effective… we are more familiar with this kind of damage than the Leaf med nin…”  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara wasn’t about to try to tell Sakura how to heal one of their own nin, she was an extremely obstinate woman, her disdain of the Sand village's healers had caused a great deal of tension during her stay… still, even though she was a skilled healer, he’d felt strongly that his own med specialist had better treatments for Sai’s recovery and now that she was gone he’d taken the opportunity to see if his friend responded better to their treatments.   
  
Sai gave another soft gasp.  Gaara could see his friend’s desire growing with his every touch and although he attempted to remember that it was only a natural response due to the stimulation of newly ‘awakened’ nerves… he couldn’t deny the fact he desired Sai.  The ebony-haired man gave a soft unconsciously erotic whimper, and Gaara tried to control his bodies response.  He’d felt desire for others before, but not this intensely… never had he needed to fight to control himself.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai wasn’t sure if it was the lotion or his companion’s touch but his whole body tingled, the soft breeze a tease.  He trembled, and Gaara’s warm silken tone asked, “Are you cold?”  
  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Sai shook his head, “Every breeze is like a stroke over the sensitive nerves.”  Gaara studied his friend speculatively, it would be best if all his skin had this lotion rubbed into it.  However he wasn’t sure he should be the one doing it… the way the tempting man had responded to just the sensitivity of his arm… “You need this to be spread over all the scar tissue.  Would you like me to call a med nin?”   
  
Sai looked guilessly at him, although he was obviously extremely aroused his voice was calm although a bit breathy, “No.  If you don’t mind I’d like you to continue.”   
  
Gaara called on years of suppressing his emotions and responded calmly, “I will need you to remove your shirt.”  Sai awkwardly attempted to do so and Gaara reached over helping remove it, he was extremely grateful he wore robes… he was exceedingly turned on and unlike his friend it was not because of the lotion.  Sai turned presenting his back to him and he squirt more of the lotion in his hand.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai gasped and couldn’t help moaning in pleasure at the glide of Gaara's hands over the damaged skin of his back.  He uninhibitedly panted as he gasped out, “It feels wonderful, so much better than anything else that they’ve put on my skin…”   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
The sensual whimpers and shivers of his friend's tender skin at Gaara’s touch made him so hard he had to fight to resist stroking his cock. The skin of Sai’s back now complete, he didn’t think he could restrain himself any longer if he had to continue touching him.  
  
“I’m going to have a healer rub it into your chest and thighs, he’ll better be able to assess the damage.”  Sai nodded unfazed by the thought.  Gaara waved one of his more ‘experienced attendants over, the man was a Master Herbalist a healer unlike any other in the village, as close to a med nin as they had.  Although his reasoning was a slight bit of a lie it was also accurate, Sai’s chest and thighs were two of the worse damaged areas… along with his hands and arms which he’d used, to protect his face from the damaging sun… if he hadn’t his friend would likely be blind now.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
The healer walked over and politely asked, “Would you like to go to a more private place? Or me to ask everyone to step out.”   
  
Sai looked at him a bit baffled, he was in his room… not public, he couldn’t understand their odd hesitation… then as he thought on how the others in his unit sometimes behaved about bathing and he realized why they were behaving like this.  He couldn’t believe they thought he was bashful!   They couldn’t have been farther from the truth, the human body was natural, the responses nothing surprising.  “I am fine. I will need assistance to remove my pants when you wish to work on my thighs.”  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara was mildly amused by the way one of his younger attendants blushed, but unsurprised by his friend’s lack of concern about nudity.  The older healer, Shinrai, nodded; he too did not look surprised by Sai’s bluntness, he’d dealt with nin throughout his life and many nin had no issues with nudity.  After years of being in close proximity to others of their teams, all unnecessary modesty was tossed aside.  
  
Likewise the healer was not distracted in the least by Sai’s unrestrained responses to having the lotion massaged into his chest and stomach.  Gaara’s erection had not subsided but being able to put a bit of distance between them had helped, still his companion’s every ecstatic cry made his cock jump eagerly.   
  
Gaara saw the movement of his attendants, the two remaining men were looking very uncomfortable and he realized that would only increase for them all when Shinrai removed Sai’s pants… Gaara instructed serenely, “You two may wait outside the door for me.”  The two men gratefully left the room, he couldn’t send them completely away, in fact they were not supposed to leave his side but… there were times the rules needed a bit of leeway and this was one of them.  
  
The ‘doctor’ helped Sai to his feet and stripped his pants down. Gaara wanted to groan, that was an area that was definitely unaffected by the abuse the rest of his body had suffered… the sensual swollen length a temptation greater than he had imagined… in fact his friend’s very enticing arousal made him want to take it in his mouth and tease it with eager strokes of his tongue over the smooth head… and the erotic torment continued as Shinrai began meticulously massaging Sai’s scarred thighs.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai panted hard, his cock bobbing at the provocation and the tip beading with precum as he attempted to remain unaffected by his body's natural reaction.  He couldn’t speak… his body aching with need, he simply waited, grateful for the miraculous lotion.  By the time the doctor had completed massaging in the healing balm, his cheeks were flushed and his hair was damp with sweat.  
  
The experienced healer studied him a moment noting the areas worst damaged, and then nodded, before turning to look pointedly at Gaara, “He cannot shower for a bit.”  _You’re friend will be unable to deal with his needs with a cold shower, shall I take care of it?_

 

  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara nodded his understanding, “That is up to him.” He replied with a false calm, his experienced healer's inquiry was not an unusual one, many masseur and healers gave their clients or patients relief by stroking them to orgasm. Gaara couldn't decide if that would be something he could bear to stay in the room for, it could be the last temptation that would snap his own control... a very unacceptable result.   
  
Sai looked at the two men calmly, although his cock and balls must have been throbbing desperately in need, his tone was matter of a fact, “I am not in great discomfort.  Thank you for the wonderful lotion, my skin feels much better with it.  Are you the one who created it?”   
  
Shinrai nodded and gave a little smile. “Thank you.”   
  
The senior attendant and only true medical professional the Sand village had bowed slightly to Gaara and left, but before he did Gaara saw the pleasure on his face. After how Sakura had treated him and the others who had tried to help Sai the young nin's sincere gratitude was a affirmation that in his eyes they too were valued healers.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai lay back on the bench waiting patiently, his body would calm and while it wasn’t very comfortable it was worth this and more to have the amazing balm applied to his skin. For the first time since he woke covered in bandages his limbs didn’t feel stiff nor the pulling sensation of his skin as he drew deep breaths.  
  
Sai glanced up at Gaara, “You did not need to stay if it was making you uncomfortable.” Some people would find his getting aroused to be upsetting or offensive, it was not something he understood but he accepted it. Gaara’s gaze was enigmatic as he studied Sai.  
  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
“I am in no way upset by it.” He replied sedately, although in his mind that statement was elaborated on with mirth, As turned-on as I’ve ever been by anything… but not upset.  
  
Sai gave a small smile, “I am glad.” He lay in a relaxed sprawl, the lack of even the trace of embarrassment made the sight feel so ‘normal’ that Gaara could feel his tension slip away… and as his friend's body calmed his did as well. He’d been a bit afraid it would have made things a bit awkward for them, but Sai looked so at ease.   
  
Gaara now saw that for as long as he’d known him there had been a tautness to his features, evidence he was in pain, it was only now that it was gone that he'd recognized it. This comfort wouldn’t last, Sai would need the lotion applied several times a day… but could he do it? Gaara resigned himself to it, he would at least try, he’d never been so tempted by anyone… and as his skin recovered… it would be harder to resist, his skin would become increasingly more sensitive…  
  
Sai smiled at him and he resolved that even if he had to find someone else to do it he would not let himself act on his desires… Sai was extraordinary, and he wouldn’t take a chance of losing him… his friendship.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Gaara found he had a good reason to miss those first two weeks of the tempting man’s ‘therapy’ the council had convened and was debating on the allocation of funds.  He was determined that a portion be assigned to the education of med nin and the building of an actual hospital.  The building they currently used lacked the proper equipment and they could have easily cost Sai his life by waiting three days for the Leaf village to send a med nin… he wouldn’t let something like that happen again.  Gaara spent as much time as he could with his friend but they were only brief visits throughout the day.  
  
It was a great relief when he finally got the scroll signed to set aside the funds for the training med nin and purchase of medical equipment.  Although he hadn’t succeeded in getting the hospital, this was a very large step in the right direction.  He couldn’t wait to talk with Sai, now he could spend time with his friend once more.  
  
Sai was standing just inside the window in the pool of shade looking out at the desert, he was without a shirt and for the first time Gaara could see how his companion had made a wonderful amount of recovery in the time he’d been too busy to notice.  He felt remorseful that he hadn’t been there for him, helping him.   
  
Sai turned to look back at him and he had tears trailing down his face, abandoning all effort at being calm Gaara crossed the room swiftly to his friend.  To his confusion Sai was smiling even as tears slipped down his cheeks, he held up his hand each of the fingertips dotted in blood. “I can feel.”  
  
Gaara felt a rush of joy and impulsively cupped the wonderful man's face kissing him.  His friend may get back his ability to paint and draw, only time could tell for sure but… he could feel!  Sai’s surprised muffled gasp broke him out of his impetuous act.  He drew back and for the first time in quite a while he was uncertain what to say, but his friend accepted the slip, smiling he stated enthusiastically, “I can’t wait to draw you!”  
  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara gave him a slightly surprised look, “Me?”  
  
Sai nodded, “I’ve wished to since the first time I saw you… I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful, celestial… too perfect to be real…”  
  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara smiled, “Celestial? Hmm…” His friend had no idea, his thoughts about him were anything but angelic… his eyes casually studied Sai’s skin, his chest had been the worst damage, now it looked a like a light patch work of pale and slightly pinkened skin… in time he may recover completely…   
  
Gaara’s eyes fell to the scar where his captures had laid some blade shaped object of red hot metal… even that looked better but it was one of the scars he would carry for life.  Sai looked curiously down to see what his friend was looking at and stated matter-of-factly, “They used my own kunai.”  He did not seem bothered by the scar and Gaara concluded he’d probably had scars from other missions as well… he hadn’t noticed any but then he’d been distracted by his insistent erection… which brought to mind.  
  
“Did you just get lotion massaged in?” Sai shook his head and Gaara nearly groaned… if his chest looked this good putting his hands on the tender new skin would drive him mad... his enticing friend had taken this as an offer and handed him the lotion. He thought about it less than a second before concluding tease or not he couldn’t pass up the chance to touch him again and hear his gasps of pleasure… the soft tempting lips he’d briefly tasted had wore away at his restraint.  
  
He followed Sai further into the bedroom where he sat on the bed looking innocently up at Gaara, he reminded himself once more this was just a massage to his friend nothing more. “I can’t be outside much… even in the night. The breeze is so…”   
  
Gaara nodded, he understood. “Arousing.”  Sai looked surprised that he understood, and curious for an explanation. “I know how it feels to be aware of every breeze slipping over your skin… For most of my life I never felt another person’s touch… the sand which protects me wouldn’t allow it, a thin layer covered every inch of me always…”   
  
Sai looked thoughtful then nodded, “A cruel form of protection, denying you the feel of another's touch, but effective.”  
  
Gaara had never had anyone realize that before… to understand the painful isolation of never knowing a person’s touch…  
  
Sitting, Gaara squirted the lotion on his palm warming it before applying it. He brushed his fingers over the hyper sensitive skin of the lithe man's chest and was stunned by the fervor of the pale body’s reaction.  He nearly groaned at the almost primal natural reaction, as Sai moaned and arched into his touch eagerly.  He’d had a few sexual partners… well two, but had ‘dated’ many.  No one had ever responded like that; honest and pure, without hesitation… without restraint...   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai had never felt such a amazing breathtaking sensation as the stroke of this man’s fingers, no one's touch had ever felt like this, even the healers hadn't... never had he felt this electric charge race through him, felt his heart beat harder and breathing increase at just the feel of another's touch.  As Gaara’s fingers continued their innocent trail over his body the feel was so rapturous that he wasn’t sure he could bear his friend continuing to caress his body.  A soft whimper escaped his lips but he was too caught up in the ecstasy to even register that instinctive plea.  His eyes met the riveting green ones, the desire in them was a further tease, but one he could not act on.  Gaara did not truly desire him, he'd simply teased his friend with his reactions... and yet there was such longing evident in his friend's body, how it remained tensed slightly as he restrained himself.  Gaara wanted him...  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara struggled with his morals, this man was nearly a child in his innocence, his reactions being teased from him by the feel of the lotion on tender new skin… but the passion in the dark eyes that met his denied that. “I am no innocent... I know about sex… it was always no more that a way to relieve stress after a mission… meaningless.  I never felt like this…”   
  
The temptation of Sai’s lips drew him and Gaara’s mouth covered his stilling his words. A slow gentle kiss that deepened to fiery passion as the two men gave in to their desire. When the kiss turned to gentle kisses down his throat Sai shook with need, “Please…” Gaara drew back slightly, he would leave him at anytime he wished to stop… but his words were not the ones he had expected to hear.   
  
“Please… Gaara, may I touch you?” He was stunned, this erotic writhing temptation wanted to know if he may touch him?  He almost gasped, "Please!"  He wanted to feel Sai... in every way.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai waited, he’d never found any wait as long as this, this moment stretched almost painfully and yet he knew no more than a second had passed since his plea.  He wanted so badly to touch the exceptional man, to feel his skin beneath his fingers.  Gaara’s bewitching low tone made the words of his reply feel like a silken caress and Sai felt a stronger surge of desire.   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
“Yes, you can touch me…” Gaara replied and was surprised once more as Sai’s fingers didn’t race to caress his erection like the almost greedy paws of his former lovers, they caressed his face with an almost reverence, his sensual lips parted and he breathed “Gaara…”  
  
The way those perfect lips said his name, made the red-haired man catch his breath sharply at the seduction, never had he imagined the mere sound of his name could be so erotic… the way Sai said it sent warmth rushing through him to pool in his groin leaving him throbbing.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
"I have wanted to touch you, feared I would never actually feel your skin beneath my fingers..." Sai's hand stroked reverently over his cheek and Gaara leaned into his touch, his astounding green eyes dark with desire. "The soft feel of your skin under my fingers tempts me... I can picture your body pressed to mine…”

  
Their hands caressed each other slowly, their touches becoming progressively more steamy until finally the compulsion to explore more intimate areas of each other's bodies had grown too powerful to resist and they started removing the cloth preventing the meeting of their flesh.  
  
Sai’s breath hitched as he bared his friend’s body. His muscles were hard, his body lean and gorgeous, a work of art that begged to be touched… to be drawn and admired. “You’re flawless, perfect…” Sai gasped, “Your smooth, pale skin… too exquisite, too pristine for reality… a statuesque work of art.”  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara felt a flash of amusement and kissed him deeply before replying, “No, not perfect…" His hand traced the sensual nin's cheekbone. "You are so honest and open, so pure… like no one I’ve ever met.”  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
“I’ve killed so very many with these hands… I am far from pure.”  Sai replied seriously even as he kissed his way down his lover's extraordinary body, he sucked experimentally on Gaara’s hip bone and felt the shivers of pleasure.  His fingers slid over the silken stretches of pale flesh, tracing the lines of his muscles and feeling his body quiver under his touch, as he slipped down to trace the head of his partner's cock with the point of his tongue.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara moaned, his breath ragged with his growing need… no, Sai was not an innocent, he’d never felt anything so amazing.  A moment later he would have amended that statement if he could have thought clearly through the powerful waves of ecstasy as the skilled man enclosed the needy organ in his mouth every inflaming flick of his tongue at the peak of the long slow draws making Gaara cry out arching up into the bliss of his mouth. His flesh ached his body inflamed with desire as Sai released the swollen length.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara’s moans teased him, the yearning to feel his alluring lover deep within him grew too powerful to deny he slipped up, positioned his cock and slowly sank down groaning in satisfaction as the long thick member filled him.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara gasped and cried out in shocked pleasure at the feel of the tight heat giving to his cock, the sensation was so extreme he panted. His hands grasped tightly at the bed sheets, wanting to clasp his lover's hips but was afraid he’d hurt him. Sai bent down and kissed him passionately as his hips started rocking on his engorged flesh quickly increasing as his body eagerly loosened. Sai broke the kiss to mew urgently his body moving faster, raising up to the head before smoothly enclosing Gaara’s throbbing erection in the velvet heat of his body again. The red-haired man had never felt such an extreme need for anyone, the feel of Sai’s body was so amazing. He couldn’t resist and cupping him to his body he rolled to place the erotic man beneath him thrusting rapidly into the temptation, feeling his arousal sink deep with every thrust as his lover writhed in pleasure. His mewls and eager moans teased Gaara, he groaned as he pumped his hips urgently; Sai wrapped his legs around his waist and tilted his hips and then arched up crying out in rapture. Gaara caught his breath sharply and gave an astonished cry, burying his cock deep as he gave ecstatic moans of rapture. The strong contractions of ebony-haired partner ’s body an overwhelming pleasure that teased him into several more involuntary bucks as he came hard, the powerful rush of euphoria has he climaxed leaving him breathless his whole body tingling.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara’s eyes were an amazing emerald green as Sai looked up into the slightly flushed face, the tempting soft lips were parted as he tried to catch his breath. This had been so extraordinary that he couldn’t even classify it as his definition of sex, it could never be that repetitive and calculated action designed to distract the enemy… or the excited pound of another seeking relief after a hard mission… this was nirvana, perfect heavenly bliss like he’d never imagined could be possible.  
  
Gaara stroked his face gently, “I didn’t hurt you did I?”  Sai looked up at him in confused surprise… that was the first time anyone had ever asked... ever cared.  He didn’t have a reply for several minutes, then replied sincerely “No, it was wonderful.”   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara kissed Sai tenderly, when he’d paused he’d been afraid he had, but the honesty in his answer reassured him, even so he knew he shouldn’t have done it… he hadn’t thought, just reacted. “You… enjoyed it?”  
  
Sai gave him a enigmatic look, “Yes, very much.”  The lithe man’s legs were still wrapped around his waist… not insisting he get off him… his other lover’s had wanted him to get off them immediately once they’d cum, but his friend seemed content to remain… connected, Gaara's sated length within him even though he’d cum…  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara confused him, he seemed almost as surprised as Sai by the fact it had been so very amazing, he hadn’t been a virgin… had he?  If so he was glad to have given his friend such pleasure and chosen to ‘bottom’… he’d been correct in his assumption he was to bottom, most of the men he’d had sex with wanted to fuck him, although he was equally well trained in ‘topping’.   
  
Gaara kissed him again softly, "I'm glad... I really shouldn't have..."   
  
Sai looked at him curiously, "Had sex with me?  Why shouldn't you?"   
  
"You are just recovering... I could have hurt you." His friend looked worried.  
  
Sai smiled serenely, "Perhaps... but you did not." He brushed his finger tips over Gaara's face, his heart leapt as the entrancing man closed his eyes in pleasure.  When they opened, the beautiful eyes gazed into his affectionately... like he'd seen others do to the ones they cared about... to the ones they loved.   
  
He felt elated, but simply said, "I have to sketch you... you are so striking, it will be hard to capture your amazing eyes but I must try... you are the perfect inspiration."   
  
His companion's wonderful green eyes sparkled in amusement and he laughed softly, "You are the first to think so."  
  
Sai shook his head, insisting, "I'm sure I'm not the first to think it... perhaps only the first whose told you."  After a moment, his lover looked chagrined, "I really should get off you."   
  
Sai gave his friend a slightly amused smile, "Yes, I suppose, will you join me in a shower?"  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara nodded speechlessly, he'd never had anyone wish him to shower with them... it seemed so intimate, a rather ridiculous thought since they'd just had sex, but it made it feel like so much more... like Sai cared for him as more than a friend... like this hadn't just been casual sex...  
  
He rose off the wonderful man, Sai did not look distressed about the fact he was sweaty... Gaara's other... well, the other two, had not been thrilled to be 'dirty' and had immediately left to shower... alone.  He followed as his lithe friend walked into the bathroom and started the shower then drew him into the water with him.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara was behaving strangely, like he was uncertain... was he uncomfortable taking a shower with him? All thought and speculation disappear the minute the showers spray hit his sensitive skin, he'd forgotten how extremely arousing the water was as it rained down.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara heard his friend's sharp gasp and his heart hammered in fear, "Does the shower hurt?"  He stepped between the spray and Sai shielding him, but his friend looked at him calmly and with an apologetic smile he explained, "Not pain."  Gaara's gaze drifted down to Sai's erection as he explained, "I had forgotten how tender my skin was, the shower is very... stimulating."   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara nodded but his eyes didn't lift from Sai's swollen length for another minute, when they met his once more they held desire that he gladly welcomed.  His hands slipped over Gaara's extraordinary body and his friend moaned softly, the scarlet-haired man's cock was now eagerly flushed once more. To Sai's surprise he then slipped down, kneeling to take his arousal in his mouth.  Sai gasped in surprise, then whimpered in pleasure, "Gaara." he gasped softly. "Please..."  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara groaned, when his lover spoke it was breathless with passion, he released the erotic man's tempting erection looking up, the expression on his lovers face was shameless desire his eyes lingered on every inch of Gaara's body, "You are so extraordinary... please put your beautiful cock in me... I want you."  His breath hitched and he found himself mutely nodding as Sai slipped into his arms then turned.  His one hand rested on his friend's taut stomach as he eased his turgid flesh into the blissful hot embrace of his companion once more, his lover moaned in pleasure and Gaara's voice echoed Sai's gratification at the feel of their bodies united once more.  Sai lay his head back on his shoulder his lips parted in little pants of need.  He had never seen anyone more sensual, the expressions of uninhibited pleasure.  He began gently thrusting into the tight clasp of his partner's incredible body, feeling it loosen in acceptance and encouragement, his strokes grew faster as his hand slipped up to brush over Sai's body.  His lover mewed wantonly catching his hand and cupping it to his nipple, Gaara was confused but curiously circled the nipple feeling it gather beneath his finger, Sai gasped and he circled it again this time brushing over the erect nipple.  Sai cried out shivering in pleasure, then continued gasping and trembling in delight as Gaara caught on, flicking and gently rolling the taut peak in his fingers as his other cupped Sai's hip, holding his amazing lover to him as he fucked the enthralling man.  As his thrust became harder and more urgent his hand left the temptation of his chest to enclose his partner's arousal stroking it as he pumped into his wonderful body.  His companion's ecstatic cries heightened his own lust until he was fevered with passion, moaning loudly at the perfect nirvana of Sai's passage grasping his swollen length. His astounding lover arched then wailed in ecstasy, Gaara cried out the incredible sensation of his peer's contracting passage drawing on his cock eagerly as he drove deep and climaxed, his own rapture at the strong waves of gratification enhanced by the sounds of ecstasy from his partner.  As their bodies calmed Sai rested back in his arms, then looked up and smiled, "You must think me insatiable."  Gaara laughed softly, "No, I understand how arousing all the sensations on your tender flesh must feel, I definitely do not mind."  Sai's dark eyes sparkled in amusement, "Shall we try actually showering?"  Gaara nodded, giving his friend a affectionate smile.  "I suppose that would be the purpose of a shower... although I enjoyed our usage quite a bit." They washed, after a few attempts at washing each other they came to the conclusion they would never be able to focus on actually washing if they were stroking over the other's body.  
  
Gaara regretfully had to leave, he'd 'disappeared' for far too long and had many things he must complete before the day's end.  The vivid red faces of his attendants he'd left at the door to Sai's room left no doubt they had been 'audience' to the activities within the suite.  Both looked in serious need of private time and he made a mental note to ask for his attendants to be given a break from their duty for a few hours.  He could hardly conceal his happiness for the remainder of the day, everything was a bit more bearable knowing at the end of all the paperwork and petitions he would see Sai again.  He couldn't wait for evening meal time so he could spend time with his friend... perhaps they'd eat on the balcony and watch the sunset on the dunes.  
  
\----------------------------------------

**END CHAPTER 2**


	3. ART NOT HEART: CHAP 3: BODY NOT SOUL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONCLUSION

**Body Not Soul**

\----------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
The following week was one of the best he could remember, Sai was in heaven, every soft touch of Gaara's hands brought pleasure so intense that they spent quite a bit of time in Gaara's bed... and many other places, in intimate embrace.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Sai moaned as the light breeze drifted over their skin, Gaara's body responded instantly, just as it did every time he so much as gasped.  His lover had not ceased surprising him with the wonderful skills he had sexually.  
  
The slender man looked over at him his eyes dark with desire and sensually molded his body to Gaara's, they were outside this evening just as they had been many other nights after watching the sun go down.  Sai had given him oral sex in nearly every place that was 'hidden' from the eyes of his men although Gaara was sure a few had gotten quite an eye full... Sai's fingers brushed lightly over Gaara's cloth covered erection causing him to hiss and give a soft buck into the tease.  Sai's hand slipped into his pants caressing the tender flesh and leaning in to kiss him passionately.   
  
He groaned into their kiss, and broke it to nuzzle Sai's ear whispering in a husky provocative purr, "I want you... want to feel your body against mine..." he wanted more than just to receive pleasure in the limited way they could while outside.  His lover smiled, his breathless reply sent a thrill through Gaara, "I think I can satisfy that need..."  His agile fingers freed Gaara's cock then to Gaara's surprise he drew his own swollen length out and cupped the two together in his hand.  Rocking his hips slowly, Sai's silky flesh slid along Gaara's in the most amazing sensation and as if the divine friction wasn't enough to test his control, the sight of their cocks enclosed in partner's hand was so erotic that he could feel his arousal flush harder in greater need than before.  He moaned softly then gasped as Sai rocked his hips faster and brushed soft strokes of his fingers over the turgid heads with every buck up into the wonderful grasp of his hand.  Gaara mimicked the motion of his lover's hips and had to bite his lip to stop the loud cry of pleasure he wished to make.  Sai's gave a small gasp and whimpered as he teased them both further dampening a finger in his mouth and circling the heads slowly.  Gaara was trembling, he'd never even thought of this and yet it was so amazing... it enflamed his passion and need so much more than even Sai's skilled mouth around his cock.  Seeing the rapture on Sai's face knowing his erection was thrusting against his extraordinary lover's... mind blowing and he could not refrain from softly moaning as their strokes grew faster.  Gaara panted his climax nearing rapidly.  Sai slipped free, his hand continuing to stroke Gaara's needy flesh as he sank down to his knees, his tongue flicking the engorged head with every incredible stroke, then released the length cupped Gaara's hips as he took his cock to the base.  He gave a ecstatic cry thrusting into the moist hot enclosure as Sai encouraged him drawing him gently forward, until he was fucking the other man's mouth.  Gaara arched and cried out sinking deep and releasing in the tight grasp of his throat, Sai fondled his balls and he whimpered as his hips gave another buck before his body was sated.  His companion released the softening organ rising to his feet his hand tucking Gaara's sated flesh away even as his other hand caressed Gaara's back and he kissed him ravenously. Gaara drew back and ran a light finger over his lover's stiff member, Sai moaned at the tease.  
  
"I did not take care of your need." Even though it was often that way he felt guilty, Sai always wanted to make sure he'd sated him... even if he himself did not orgasm.

  
Sai gave a playful smile as he slipped his prominent erection back into his pants, "I'm sure you can think of something when we are in your bed... with me covered by your beautiful body... your cock sinking deep into me with every rock of your hips..." Gaara groaned and grabbed his hand leading him quickly back into the building and up to his bedroom, Sai's words had made him flush hard even after being sated only moments before.  His attendants hurried to keep up but Gaara had no thought but to sink into the welcoming embrace of Sai's hot tight ass and hear his cries of rapture as he fucked him.  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Gaara thought all the next day about how Sai had stroked their cocks together, it was unbelievable... his companion was always showing him new and extraordinary pleasures.  With his thoughts occupied thinking of his lover it was no wonder he'd forgotten to give the scroll he'd reviewed to the scribe... it would only take a minute then he could spend the afternoon with his enthralling friend.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai followed Gaara as he went to his office to grab the scroll he'd forgotten to give to the scribe. He smiled at him as he walked over to the desk and took the scroll. "I had no thought but to see you when I left... and this was the last thing on my mind." He stopped before him and Sai smiled, "I could not wait to see you either... and I had gotten quite aroused waiting for you."

  
Gaara reached out to stroke his cheek softly, “I’d never had such a… amazing lover.”  
  
Sai smiled at the compliment, explaining serenely. “I was trained to give pleasure…”   
  
Suddenly he saw Gaara’s expression change, he now looked angry. “You what?” Gaara asked coldly. Sai watched him, he was confused. Why was his friend upset? “I was… a ROOT operative raised by them to be a tool to flawlessly pull off any mission… it was one of the areas I was trained in.”  
  
Gaara’s gaze was icy. “I see... You’ve recovered from your injuries I see no reason why you cannot return to Leaf.”  The Kazikage turned his back on him and walked over to sit at his desk, his face completely emotionless as he dismissed him... Sai now realized he had 'served his purpose', the man he'd thought his friend and had mistakenly dreamed cared about him no longer wanted him.  
  
In spite of the sultry heat of the room Gaara’s words left a chill frozen on Sai’s skin, he banished all emotion, “Yes, I am fit to travel. I shall leave at once.” He gave a slight bow and when Gaara turned away gave him one last hurt look before walking out, once more not expressing any true emotion, he smiled and thanked his care givers. He had nothing to pack, nothing had survived his captivity and escape… not even his uniform or Hai-ti. “I’m sorry, I will need to borrow these clothes if I may. I will return these clothes when I get to Kohana, a merchant will carry them back to you.”  
  
The head of staff protested, “You cannot travel in those, let me get you a uniform and supplies… it’s a three day journey!”  
  
Sai shook his head, he didn’t want to wait, that would take several hours.  While the clothes were not heavy enough to give proper protection for travel; at this point he did not care, he was hurting and confused, he just needed to go.  He walked out the gate within minutes after Gaara’s dismissal.   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara’s eyes lingered on his retreating back, he wanted to call him back, he wanted to explain why it hurt to know Sai had just been following instructions… just doing what he’d been taught for missions, but it just wasn’t possible to explain so he just stood feeling sick and hurt while his peer walked away, then returned to his quarters unwilling to admit to himself that he’d possibly just made the biggest mistake of his life.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
It was fall, so while the desert was damp and when the sun came out muggy, as he got closer to the Leave village it would become colder.  He hadn’t taken any supplies, no food, no weapon, no flint to make a fire.  He had no choice but to keep going, but it was better that way, if he didn’t stop he wouldn’t have time to think and right now his heart hurt too much to think about what happened.  He’d misunderstood; Gaara was only having ‘mission sex’ with him, he felt foolish that he’d felt like it was more.  Now that he was sufficiently recovered it was time for him to return to the Leaf village.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
He sat in his office looking out the window, they used to look at the sunset on the sandy hills… the silicone of the sand making them sparkle before the red and gold came as the sun dropped behind them… Sai often talked about wanting to paint them… Gaara looked away, everything hurt so bad right now, everywhere he looked a reminder of the honest and sincere man… or so he’d thought, but Sai wasn’t what he’d seemed…   
  
Gaara continued sitting in his chair long after sunset, in the dark, he didn’t want to return to his suite, to look at the bed they’d laid in… made love in. No, not love… the seductive Leaf nin had merely been following the lessons he’d been taught… trained in how to give pleasure, the thought sickened him.   
  
His senior attendant and only medical officer came in and sat in one of the chairs he did not speak, one of the attendants outside the door had probably sent for him when Gaara had not come out.  He didn’t feel like speaking, the Healer could see he was healthy, and would now wait patiently as he always did. Shinrai wasn’t just a medical and herbal specialist… he was also the man who had stood at his side since the day he’d taken office.  Unfailing and dependable, but Gaara couldn’t express his emotions, he never could… until Sai, with him it had been so natural, he hadn’t had to try… all his defenses fell.   
  
Gaara rested his forehead in his hands, all his defenses had fell, from the moment he’d seen Sai, looked into his eyes… his eyes, they looked at him with such pure sincere emotion… did not hold anything back… honest…   
  
Did it matter if he’d learned from former lovers or been ‘trained’ in how to do it… he’d chosen to do those things not been required. He’d honestly admitted where he’d learned them not tried to deceive or lie…   
  
Gaara just didn’t know anymore… he felt betrayed; and yet not once had Sai tried to deceive him… his every word every action a honest reaction or response… by now he was on his way back to the Leaf Village, he’d watched him walk out…   
  
Watched him walk out in the light casual clothes he’d been wearing when he had sent him away… no pack… Gaara felt a wave of unease. “He didn’t take anything did he?”

  
“No.” Shinrai replied briefly.  
  
Gaara sighed sadly, “Send two of our top nin to go get him.”  
  
“And if he refuses to return?” Shinrai’s tone was neutral, but Gaara knew he was fond of Sai, impressed by his strength in his recovery, the way he didn’t allow pain to stop him.

  
“I don’t know,” Gaara was tired and his emotions were a tangled mess. “Tell them to bring an extra pack and uniform… if he will not return…” the thought was painful that he would never see Sai again, like a stab through his heart. “See if they can get him to take a pack and uniform.”  
  
Shinrai nodded and rose.   
  
“I just don’t know how I feel...” Gaara sighed.  
  
“Then you were a fool to send him away… sir.” Shinrai replied stiffly, then walked out the door to carry out his orders.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai was winded, he hadn’t taken into account how much his ‘ordeal’ and recovery had weakened him… He’d left the sands behind and was entering the vast expanse of trees he’d need to traverse.   
  
The fall trees empty, lifeless, their crown of leaves now a brown sodden mass upon the ground. The forest had the look of a tangled litter of bleached bone… crooked fleshless arms reaching out as if to bar him from entering.  
  
Below the tree where he rested a lone red leaf lay, all others swept away by the frigid wind… an oddity, the only color within all the visible area… alone.  
The jarring cry as a hawk took a careless rabbit, a reminder of how quickly life could end. He was returning to that… to being the lone leaf, an anomaly that didn’t fit and had been left behind, forgotten… and like the rabbit one day he would die and no one would grieve.   
  
Returning to the Leaf village held no appeal, he had no home there… a place he slept and stored his equipment, but it was not a home. He hadn’t a place anywhere, but it did not matter, he was a 'tool', to be used until he was of no value or was killed… Would anyone even come looking for him if he never arrived back in the Leaf village? It was a irreverent thought, it didn’t matter, he wouldn’t become a rogue nin… there was nothing out there for him either.  
  
Now heavy hearted and in no hurry to return to Leaf… no one had even been in contact with him since Sakura left, he’d been forgotten once more… Sai stayed at the base of the tree looking at the leaf as night fell.  
  
\------------------------------------------------------   
  
Cold and stiff, his skin making the painful stretching feeling once more, he reluctantly rose to his feet. It wasn’t the best place to have fallen asleep but he had and he was still alive today so he needed to continue. He had behaved like a fool, emotions were unnecessary and unproductive, interfering with missions and causing incompetency.   
  
The sky looked as grim as he felt and it was no surprise when suddenly like someone had turned on a great big shower the rain poured down in a solid sheet. Sai returned to leaping through the trees but he had to concentrate, his movements now a bit awkward as his flexibility had now ebbed away and the rain made the branches slick.  
  
Even as the rain lightened the wind picked up, the rain pelted his skin like icy needles, on his tender new skin it was agonizing, the pain was quickly followed by numbness as the temperature dropped. He tried to rub the feeling back into his limbs, and dropped down to the ground, he no longer could use the trees his limbs stiff with cold it was too dangerous, so he walked, the brush further soaking him and mud eventually working inside his shoes making them rub and chafe until areas of his feet were growing raw…but he couldn’t stop, not yet, he had to find some form of shelter.   
  
Finally coming upon an overhanging boulder he folded himself into the small space, it didn’t matter that he needed to huddle in on himself to fit, he would have needed to anyway to try to warm himself. The small space worked to both his advantage and disadvantage, it would heat faster than a larger space, his body heat being contained somewhat, however his limbs would cramp and knot, it would be difficult and painful when he needed to continue.  
  
\-------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara waited, his level of stress rising as he watched the sun rise with no sign of his nin or Sai. When his men did return it was with chagrined looks, “Sir we were unable to locate him, the heavy down pour washed away all trace of his passage.”   
  
Gaara looked at the worried nin dispassionately, “Go rest, eat…” He turned away he wasn’t able to concentrate on his men and maintaining his calm appearance was growing increasingly hard.  He had to find him, they’d informed the Leaf village he was on his way back, they had seemed surprised that Sai was returning so soon… they had been informed his injuries were extensive and that it would be a long recovery.  For someone else it may have been but not Sai… Gaara stood looking out the window.   
  
They had sent back a reply that they’d sent nin to bring him back and would inform the Leaf village when he was found.  He couldn’t just wait and hope he made it to the village, he was still recovering, without proper clothing or supplies… and Gaara needed him.  
  
That was the real truth behind it all, Gaara didn’t care who taught him anything, he wanted him back. He’d over reacted and he wanted desperately to know he was safe, if he was sick or injured it was all his fault.  He needed to be able to hold him, to apologize, to tell him that he loved him… the truth came determinedly forth.   
  
He loved him, he didn’t want him to ever go away.  He didn’t want his days to go back to the emptiness that it was before the day they found Sai… from that day he first talked to him his need for the incredible man had only grown stronger, it was like he'd been blind all his life, then Sai had brought the light so now he could see the beauty all around him, but he couldn't truly 'live' without him... he couldn't go back into the darkness of surviving instead of living.   
  
Gaara knew he was being a fool but that didn’t stop him, his mind was finally made up, he had to try to find him himself… he quietly gathered his equipment and dressed in the proper, necessary clothes for travel. Then he slipped out, his aides still outside his door continued guarding the empty room as Gaara went to the gate and taking advantage of the commotion that came with changing of the guards slipped out unnoticed.  
  
Quickly he traveled away from the area towards the Leaf village, within minutes he knew he wasn’t alone, his follower made no effort to disguise himself, when Gaara stopped he firmly stated. “I won’t go back Shinrai.”   
  
The veteran nin nodded, “We are wasting time.” With that said they continued forward with renewed determination.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai tried to move but he’d once more forgotten to take into account that he was not fully recovered. He now found he could barely move when he tried to leave his ‘shelter’ to go on. The scar tissue was stiff and added to the cramped muscles it made the effort extremely painful and difficult, his limbs did not want to move properly and he didn’t trust himself to return to the trees so he continuing to walk determinedly towards the Leaf village. His clothing remained wet as the brush continued to drench him as he made his way through them. Within minutes his feet were added as one more of the pains that plagued him, the areas having been rubbed raw by the previous days travels, blistered and his movements broke the blisters… the mud and dirty water burning in the open sores.  
  
Although he was in a good deal of pain he wasn’t worried whether he’d make it to the Leaf village, he either would or wouldn’t. It made no sense to worry, if he died then he died… it was the way of a nin’s life, they were expendable, they were tools to keep the village safe. He determinedly pressed forward, more for the fact it kept him warm than any actual interest if he’d get there.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Shinrai was the first to spot it, Gaara was focused on watching for any sign of him in the trees and the med nin’s touch on his arm surprised him. Gesturing at the disturbed expense of mud below and snapped twigs. “He is no longer in the trees.” The skilled man stated with certainty, “We need to go down.”   
  
Gaara nodded and in minutes after reaching ground Shinrai was leading confidently. The veteran's experience; knowing the extent of his injures, level of exhaustion he’d feel and the fact it had rained heavily his eyes scanned for a place Sai could have stop to rest, when he found the place it was by the shuffling foot prints that lead away. Now with something to track they made good progress.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai couldn’t continue he needed to rest if only briefly, his body simply was too fatigued to continue; lack of food, water and proper clothing had added to his still healing bodies aches and slowly wore him down. Swaying with exhaustion he had no choice. Slipping under a low hanging dwarfed tree, the broken branches forming a screen, he rested.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara looked around, the tracks had ended, but when he glanced at Shinrai, his trusted advisor did not look worried his eyes scanned the brush, then walked over to a dangling tangled mass of branches he parted the limbs and slipped in.  
  
Gaara immediately followed and he could have cried when he saw Sai he was so glad to have found him. The pale nin was regarding them calmly, although he was quite beat up he looked neither relieved, surprised or even particularly interested in their arrival. Shinrai was kneeling and methodically looking him over, “In my pack is some of the balm.”   
  
Gaara opened the pack and was very grateful for the skill and knowledge of his friend and advisor, the pack had not been heavy and yet it contained so many essential things. He brought the pack from the area where Shinrai had set it to where the med nin knelt to look over his patient. “Help him to his feet. We need to strip these damp clothes off.”   
  
Gaara helped get Sai to his feet, Shinrai noting the way the young nin paled as he efficiently stripped him and wrapped the light water proof blanket around him, ordered. “Gaara strip and lay with him, we need to warm him.”   
  
Gaara shed his clothes, slipping into the blanket and holding his friend. In spite of the seriousness of the situation he couldn’t help his bodies enthusiastic response to the feel of Sai’s body. It should have been awkward and with anyone else it would have been but the dark-haired man was neither shocked or upset by Gaara’s reaction. He uninhibitedly embraced the slender nin to his body, trying to warm him, the chilled flesh almost frighteningly cold.   
  
Shinrai had made a fire outside in the clear area between the trees and was heating some kind of rations in a metal cup of water. He came back to their side and reaching into the blanket laid a hand on Sai’s body for a moment before directing “Ok we need to get him over to the fire in a minute but first…” Shinrai’s hands slipped under the blanket and slowly stroked over Sai’s legs massaging them with the lotion. Working as much into the chapped flesh as possible. Then directed Gaara. “You can get dressed now.”   
  
Gaara slipped out of the blanket reluctantly, he’d never thought he’d get to hold him again, Sai studied him as he dressed, he looked so tired. The med nin propped him up and started feeding the quiet man spoonfuls of the hot food until Sai had completed the small ration, then provided water from his canteen. Gaara shot a anxious glance at Shinrai as his friend’s eyes closed. The older man nodded reassurance, “It’s ok… food, water and warmth… his body is just taking the one other thing it needs, rest.”   
  
Shinrai scooped Sai up and carried him out to the fire and Gaara followed, another waterproof blanket was spread out on the ground beside the fire. “Sit.” Shinrai directed nodding to Gaara and indicating the blanket.   
  
When he sat, the wise nin placed Sai in his lap his head lay against the young Kazikage's chest as he slept. Shinrai studied them both with wise eyes, then stated, “We can’t stay long, he needs to be inside and dry… there is little more I can do here. As much as I’d love to massage lotion into his body…”   
  
Gaara looked at him with surprise, and the doctor looked amused, “To relieve his pain… we cannot do it here, we can’t afford to ‘dampen’ his skin and cause him to lose body heat… his legs were necessary, in order to get him back as quickly as possible he will need to be able to move.”   
  
For a moment Gaara just looked at his trusted advisor and guide, “Thank you.” Shinrai had knew Gaara would go to find Sai and was prepared, he hadn’t argued that he shouldn’t leave, instead he’d come to help.   
  
Shinrai nodded, “Rest if you can, we will be traveling hard, and bearing his weight for the trip, even with his legs once more loose he will not be strong enough to travel on his own.”   
  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
When Sai woke he felt stronger, Gaara helped him dress, the clothes he now wore helped him to feel much warmer but the cold and damp had stiffened him up so much that it still was difficult to move properly.   
  
Sai did his best to support his own weight and not burden the two men, but not because of any strong desire to be anywhere.  It was ingrained in him, conditioned to keep going until his body failed completely or he was killed, anything to not slow the team or mission.  He really didn’t care who the men were, yes he recognized them remembered everything about them but it no longer really mattered.  Likewise it didn’t concern him where they were going… Sand, Leaf, it didn’t matter.  He’d finish recovering and return to missions.  It was his purpose, his reason for existence.  
  
The Kazikage’s beautiful eyes were only a distraction from that purpose and the healer’s touch soothed even without the wonderful balm.  It was very troubling, it made embracing his true purpose more difficult.  They were like ripples in the calm placid waters of his life.   
  
It had been a mistake to form attachments, he was a tool, that was his purpose.  Attachments were a divergence preventing him from focusing completely on his missions and efficiently carrying them out.  While he didn’t currently have a mission, he had failed the one he’d been on, failed to bring back the then essential intelligence… he needed to focus completely on recovering so he could return to carrying out missions.  He would not fail again, it was unacceptable.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara watched Sai there was something distant in him, like something had shut off in him, he put his full effort into reaching Suna, pushing himself and only when unable to continue he’d accept help but it was… odd, even then.  Like they were team mates, no more, he wasn’t cold or distracted, but wooden and expressionless, efficient and brief… it was vastly different than what the man they’d known had been like.   
  
The Sai Gaara knew had been like a man newly awakened, delighting in everything around him, curious and appreciative of the amazing things he saw, now he didn’t seem to see the beauty at all.  That person they’d known was gone, possibly hidden deep inside once more… this was the emotionless, efficient tool that Sakura had described as ‘Sai’, she’d been surprised every time Sai acted ‘human’ and Gaara had looked at her strangely… now he understood… and he desperately hoped he could get the man he loved back… He needed him to feel life’s beauty, without him it was hollow and rote.   
  
When they reached the gate there was great uproar, the captain of the guard and Gaara’s old sensei stood looking at him within seconds after he reached the gate.  Few could see it but Gaara could feel the strong waves of disapproval, Baki didn’t say it but he didn’t have to.  He was the Kazikage, he did not ever leave the village without guard or endanger himself.   He was a leader of the land, he had to place his people ahead of his own wants and desires.  
  
Gaara met his eyes with a bold gaze that announced unwaveringly he would do anything to save the ones he loved, even die.  Baki nodded, then ordered his men to help the exhausted men, to strip the equipment and go clean it while others were ordered to take the valued Leaf nin guest up to the suite that was briefly his. Shinrai interrupted, “No place him in the receiving room beside my suite, he will need to be evaluated.”   
  
Gaara felt a spike of fear, but the experienced medic gave him a reassuring look as he escorted 'the Kazikage' to his suite and left him with his baffled attendants who hadn’t realized they’d lost him.   
  
Before leaving Shinrai explained, “I need to observe Sai, I believe he is fine although a bit worn from his journey. You can come visit after you stabilize everything here.”   
  
Gaara showered and changed into his official robes, Shinrai was right, when it became known to the council that he endangered himself he’d be doing a lot of talking, but he refused to apologize for it. He _did not_ regret his decision no matter what the consequences could have been.   
  
When Gaara went to speak to the council Baki was at his side, supporting him fully. Emphasizing the importance of _the Leaf nin not being ‘lost’ while he was supposed to be safely in their care... the scandal it would be... the importance of the alliance between the Leaf and Sand village... that it would be a huge matter that a misunderstanding had cost the Leaf village one of their top nin, a nin of such value that they had sent one of their top med nin to treat him… it was their obligation… the treaty…an alliance endangered and need for the Leaf villages assistance in training highly valuable Sand med nin…_ by the time he’d finished Baki had them convinced that it had been the only sensible thing they could have done and that the Kazikage’s quick actions had been the only thing that had preserved their position with the Leaf village… but as soon as they were away from anyone who may over hear Baki freely expressed his distress and once more emphasized the importance of Gaara not risking himself.   
  
Those admonishments said, Baki calmed, and the man who’d practically raised him even while taking the risk at every moment that Gaara would kill him. The man who cared under the stern exterior, asked, “Please Gaara don’t ever do something like that again.” But they both knew he would if he felt a loved one was in danger. “You should have come to me, you know I would have got him safely back to you.”  
  
Gaara nodded, Baki knew, it didn’t surprise him that he knew Sai was more than just a Leaf nin, that he was special to him.  Inside he knew Baki was right, he wouldn’t have failed to find and safely return Sai, he was unmatched, the top nin of the Sand village and could nearly pull off miracles he was so skilled. Gaara trusted him absolutely, he’d just panicked.  Baki gave a slight bow and left to go manage his men. Gaara didn’t know what he’d ever do without him, it now occurred to him that he had friends but had never ‘recognized’ them.  Baki and Shinrai would stand beside him no matter what he faced, loyal and supportive.   
  
Which brought to mind Sai, now that the ‘issues’ with his rescue mission had been resolved he was free to go see him.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai sat looking out the window, judging temperature and wind speed, calculating the days it would require to recover completely, equipment necessary and distance he could travel per day at this time of year given weather conditions.  The Kazikage entered and he rose ignoring the protest from his legs and feet, and bowed. “I thank you. It was foolish of me to not bring supplies, I am quite sure the Leaf village appreciates the assistance you have given me.”   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara blinked, disturbed by the fake smile Sai gave him, his expression was a mask nothing more… nothing real.   All this time he had never realized the gift he’d gotten from his companion, this was what everyone else saw, this shell.  The real Sai hid inside, the man who without reservation acted honestly, openly expressed his emotions and he wasn’t sure how to get that man back out.   
  
Crossing the room as the Leaf nin watched serenely, Gaara drew him into his arms and kissed him, and while Sai responded there was no passion, it was simply a conditioned response of what he was supposed to do in this situation.  No doubt he could immediately strip and fuck him, tell him to suck his cock… anything, but it would be this conditioned puppet, not the man he loved.   
  
He released him and Sai stood waiting, patiently waiting for what was expected of him. Gaara sighed and looked out the window it hurt deeply to have him here and yet not… and to know it was all his fault. He’d had it all, this man’s absolute love and trust… and he’d thrown it away over the ridiculous jealousy that his lover had been taught his bedroom skills by an unscrupulous and now disbanded organization.  
  
When he looked back at Sai he could see the barest hint of pain in the dark eyes, he’d remained standing waiting for Gaara’s order or purpose, his legs and feet probably agonizing… but his conditioned serine look had not changed. “Sit.” Gaara said softly, “I’m sure my med nin is taking good care of you…” He walked out of the room closing the door as the man he now knew he loved gave the standard and expected response. It didn’t matter it wasn’t _him_ speaking, the words were meaningless.   
  
He returned to his office, reviewing scrolls but his mind wasn’t on the words of the documents… he could see every delighted smile, every loving glance… he’d lost that. Gaara felt the presence of someone and looked up, he hadn’t heard Shinrai approach, too lost in his thoughts. The med nin just studied him a few minutes longer then walked over placed the healing balm for Sai’s skin on his desk and walked away without a word.   
  
Gaara simply looked at the container for a few minutes then sighed and rose, he took the lotion and walked out of the office, his attendants immediately falling into step with him. At the infirmary room door he directed quietly, “Wait here.”   
  
The men were a bit hesitant, no doubt they’d gotten a great deal of trouble from Baki for ‘losing’ him and not even knowing he was gone, but they clearly didn’t want to go in and endure the unbelievable tease of Sai’s ‘reaction’ to the application of the balm… they agreed and remained outside the door.  
  
When he entered, Sai looked sedately at him and removed his shirt , emotionlessly waiting for Gaara to apply the balm. Gaara sat, drew a deep breath, he wasn’t sure what Shinrai was trying to achieve with this, but he warmed the lotion and started rubbing it into the tender skin, soft silky skin that teased him as he spread it over the area and massaged it in. His friend shivered softly, but did not make a noise, as Gaara moved to his lower waist he heard Sai’s breath hitch. The dark haired nin couldn’t help reacting to the cream but it was just that, his body reacting, nothing more. Now complete with his back Sai turned and he worked the balm into his chest stroking the sensual body, feeling his muscles flexing under his fingers but the most difficult thing was seeing the desire in his former lover’s ebony eyes, his lips parted as he panted… knowing it wasn’t real, it was torture.   
  
After his upper chest Gaara hesitated to move down to the temptation of his taut stomach, instead he went to massaging his arms which turned out to be more difficult than he’d remembered. The baby soft skin of his once badly damaged arms was a long erogenous zone now.   
  
Sai gasped sharply as Gaara's fingers started down his shoulder, by halfway down his upper arms he was moaning loudly, gasping and trembling at the effort to remain still. His lower arm did not go any easier. the seductive man’s wanton mews had Gaara’s cock so swollen he hurt with every beat of his heart the throbbing need for him so strong his hands shook at the effort to resist touching Sai in much more intimate ways.   
  
The last blow to his resistance was when he reached Sai’s fingers, but it was a tease that was unlike the others. Gaara sat holding his lover's hand looking at the tips of his fingers, tears in his eyes as he remembered the joy on his friend's face when he realized he could feel again. Gaara couldn’t look up into that ‘emotionless’ face, yes there was desire but it wasn’t Sai’s body that he really wanted… it was the real person he’d been.   
  
Gaara dipped his head and kissed the tips softly before he started working the balm thoroughly into them, softening and loosening every inch of them before releasing them and starting at the shoulder of the other arm. His friend’s lusty cries still teased him but his mind dwelled on the love he’d felt and joy as he reacted to Sai’s elation, the way his lips had felt for the first time.

  
He completed the other arm and Sai rose although he was greatly aroused as he removed his pants to bare his thighs and legs, it meant nothing. Gaara massaged the balm into his upper thighs and heard his nearly frantic moans, looking at him he now understood how Shinrai could relieve his patients arousal without getting excited… it meant nothing just a body reacting to stimulus. The men didn’t care who was doing it, held no feelings in him personally… This was just Sai’s body reacting … Gaara wrapped his hand around his erection and stroked him until Sai was bowed up into his touch crying out in ecstasy as he came. Gaara wiped up the cum and resumed massaging his thighs and down his legs, he felt hollow, empty and tired.  
  
Now completed he rose to leave, Sai serenely said, “Thank you my skin feels so much better now.”   
  
The Kazikage’s light robes did nothing to hide his engorged cock. Sai looked from his obvious erection up to meet Gaara’s eyes his tone serine, and face emotionless he asked, “Would you like me to give you oral sex?”   
  
Gaara couldn’t reply, his throat swollen with tears he rose set the jar on the table and walked out without a word. Although he seemed as emotionless as ever, inside he cried at the loss of the man he loved. He returned to his suite and sat long into the night in a chair beside the balcony looking out on the desert but seeing nothing but his memories.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai just looked at the door, he didn’t understand. He’d offered relief, just as Gaara… the Kazikage did for him… perhaps his touch was not acceptable to someone of his rank... the times before were a mistake… he felt like a knife pierced through his heart as he realized what happened before was not real, just a mistake for them both.  
  
\-----------------------------------------  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
The next day when Shinrai arrived and placed the balm on his desk Gaara shook his head, “Shinrai I can’t…” The med nin pushed it closer to him. His voice soft and understanding, “You will.” After his friend left he continued looking at the jar for some time, he could order one of his staff to do it, but the thought of Sai making those erotic moans, writhing under their touch… Gaara rose, he couldn’t bear that, Shinrai was right he would.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai was sore, his skin felt like dry paper, like he’d tear if he moved wrong. Soon Gaara or Shinrai would come… they would soothe his skin. He hoped it was Shinrai, the last time when Gaara had kissed his fingertips it had been incredibly hard not to react… to draw him up and kiss him. Emotional ties were only a distraction, one he could not allow.   
  
Gaara walked in, his gorgeous green eyes did not lift to meet his anymore, now he moved reluctantly as if he did not wish to come. Sai tried not to let it hurt, it shouldn’t hurt… this was the way it was meant to be… and still when the Kazikage touched him it brought a thrill he couldn’t deny, yes the cream aroused him but the way this one man touched him… every inch of his body burned to be pressed to his intimately, he was glad the lotion gave him a reason… an excuse, but he could not lie to himself, he desired Gaara… desired his every touch. When he’d stroked his cock… just that memory had kept him erect the whole night, craving his touch.   
  
Gaara sat and Sai removed his shirt, he warmed the oil then slowly with the most exquisite seductive caresses he moved his hands over his back. Sai was instantly aroused at just his first touch… the balm hadn’t even had a chance to sink in and he was already quivering and trying to refrain from softly moaning. Gaara’s hands shook, his breathing rapid and that only excited Sai more. Finally he couldn’t hold in his pleas anymore, he squirmed as he gasped out moans of fevered lust, every moment his former lover's hands were on him was pure rapture… and the most frustration he’d ever felt. Seeing Gaara now knelt before him was more of a mental torture than any his captors had done. He clenched his hands to keep himself from grabbing Gaara, from drawing the sensual man down upon him and pleading for him to… Sai whimpered, the pain of his tightly clenched hands distracting him a bit from his ravenous need.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara knelt massaging Sai’s legs, he looked up at him when he whimpered, his hands were tightly clenched, the skin of his knuckles wept blood from the tiny tears in the tensed flesh stretched too tightly over the bone. Gaara nearly wept at the sight, he’d avoided doing Sai’s hands, put off the temptation and was going to do them last but he’d been wrong to do that... his friend had been teased to such need he was hurting himself.  
  
Gaara, leaned forward taking Sai’s needy organ in his mouth and caressed it, his tongue teasing the hard length, in seconds the erotic man was wailing in ecstasy as his orgasm swept through him. Gaara took his cock into his throat teasing it with the tight grasp and Sai whined, bucking softly, as he drew and teased the last from him.  
  
Gaara sucked the softening flesh a moment longer then released his sated member, he couldn’t look at him, couldn’t see that while it had meant a lot to him, for Sai it was nothing… hand… mouth… it didn’t matter. Gaara finished the last small area of his leg then slipped up to sit beside him, his head still bowed he took the man he loved's hand in his, dampening the flesh heavily his fingers stroked and massaged his hand until they were as supple as they could possibly get, then did the same to the other before working up first one arm then the other. Now finished he rose and immediately left without looking up. He had barely reached his suite before the tears started slipping down his cheeks, he couldn’t do this anymore it was tearing him apart.  
  
\------------------------------------------------  
  
When Shinrai placed the balm on his desk the next time. He called the only other man he could trust not to laugh in his face. Baki arrived, and Gaara looked up at him seriously, he couldn’t say it… couldn’t admit that he grew excited by a man who did not care at all about him. He pushed the jar across the desk. Baki looked at him a moment speculatively then took the balm and left, long after Baki had gone Gaara found himself still looking at the door.   
  
Baki was in Sai's suite, hearing his erotic cries, looking at his sensual body as he writhed wantonly under his hands. Baki was a professional, a skilled senior Jounin he hadn’t questioned the ‘order’ simply went… Gaara found himself unable to concentrate and after a bit he found himself outside Sai’s door. Even here he could hear the temptation of his cries, then a louder cry of ecstasy… Baki had ‘relieved’ Sai. The thought brought a small barb of jealousy.   
  
Baki walked out, he did not seem surprised to see him. Gaara was ashamed but his eyes dropped down to Baki’s pelvis… Baki was not aroused. He looked up at Baki, but he offered no explanation just continued to look at him enigmatically. Gaara attempted to keep all emotion from his voice as he murmured, “Thank you.”   
  
Had Sai offered to give Baki oral sex and Baki accepted? Baki started to walk away then looked back at him, his expression didn’t change. “I masturbated before. I am familiar with the effects the balm would have on him.” His former sensei had known what he was thinking… Gaara wondered if he was that transparent. Baki replied to the unasked question, “Only when it comes to him.” The senor Jounin turned and continued down the hall.   
  
Gaara continued to look at Sai’s door for a minute trying to fight the urge to go in, then failing he simply walked in. Sai lay sprawled out on a bench in a way that was almost identical to the first time after he’d watched Shinrai massage him. He was erect... Baki hadn’t… why hadn’t he? Sai didn’t seem disturbed by it he looked up at him, catching Gaara looking at his erection he matter-of-factly stated. “He offered but it was unnecessary, I am not uncomfortable… not really. My body will calm.” Sai flexed his fingers noting absently “Although he put lotion on them he massaged them last.” Gaara remembered Baki’s words _‘I am familiar with the effects it would have on him’_ he had known his fingers would be the biggest tease, not his thighs and had moistened the flesh before continuing and returned his fingers last to lessen the tease of his body… Sai rolled on to his side, the look unconsciously seductive. “Did you come to make sure Baki had done a good job? I appreciate your concern Kazikage.” He stretched in an almost feline graceful move. “He did a wonderful job he may be someone you should consider for med nin training.”   
  
Gaara nodded, he knew he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn't be teasing himself like this but every sensual movement the captivating man made was like a hook, he couldn’t break free… but he had to, he couldn’t allow himself to touch him… it would be a obligation to Sai, a payment for their hospitality or part of his mission parameters in his head… Gaara couldn’t handle it.   
  
He looked down at the gorgeous man a second more then went and got the items he’d ordered brought to his room earlier. Without saying a word he propped the art easel, art pad and sketch book against a wall then a box of charcoal, paints, paint brushes and any other art supply he could picture his artistic friend ever needing beside it.  
  
Sai looked from the pile to Gaara, he looked stunned, the first true emotion Gaara had seen from him since he’d made the mistake of sending him away, “Why?”   
  
He looked sadly into the passionate lively gaze of the man he’d known and now knew he loved. “Because you should not feel trapped while you’re here,” Gaara turned to walk out the door but Sai’s soft words stopped him in his tracks, “I still want to sketch you Gaara.”   
  
Gaara was afraid to look back afraid he’d see that cold false smile. “I would like that.” he replied softly, he felt Sai’s arms wrap around him and shook, he just couldn’t bear it… it would crush him if this was only a ‘mission’ or thanks…  
  
Sai molded his body to his nuzzling his neck and placing tender kisses on it, Gaara had to know, “Why are you..?”  
  
Sai circled around and plainly said “Because I’ve never met anyone I’ve ever wanted so much… wanted to touch, to hold… to kiss.” His voice became husky, “Because sex meant nothing until you touched me.”   
  
Gaara grabbed him embracing him and molding every inch of his beloved to him, never again would he take him for granted. Sai groaned in delight his erection waking eagerly. Gaara didn’t know where he wanted to touch him first, he wanted... no _needed_ to hear his lover's ecstatic cries. Raining kisses on his face and then trailing them down the enticing man's body until his mouth reached a temptation too great to resist. Sai cried out passionately as Gaara took his cock into his mouth eagerly teasing it and worshiping it with strokes of his tongue. His lover’s uninhibited mewls of pleasure were the most wonderful sounds he’d ever heard. He moaned as he released Sai’s engorged length and drew him over to the bed ravishing him with fervent need, kissing every where he could as his hands roamed over the amazing body stroking and cupping squeezing and pressing him to his body.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai couldn’t draw the breath to protest that Gaara’s clothes were still on he was too busy crying out in bliss at every kiss, lick, suckle and stroke. His lover groaned, “Sai I want you so greatly, I need you so much… I’m not sure how gentle I can be."  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Sai gave a soft seductive smile "I’ll see if I can help…" he swiftly stripped Gaara and lay him back on the bed immediately his mouth skillfully slid down to enclose his lover's arousal in his throat drawing back and slipping it deep again until he was fucking his mouth urgently, in minutes Gaara was crying out in bliss as his lover’s skilled mouth milked him until he was fully sated. Sai then slipped up to kiss him deeply, he could taste his cum on his partner's tongue and he groaned at the erotic tease... the knowledge that his beloved had gladly took his cum into himself, that he could taste it on him... it brought a overpowering yearning and he groaned his cock slowly reawakening. Sai dampened his fingers and reached back to prepare himself, Gaara moaned at the temptation but stopped his hand, “I want you. I want you to be the first, I want to feel you in me…” Sai looked surprised and touched, “You’ve never… bottomed and you want me?” He nodded, Sai’s tone was husky with emotion, “I will give you so much pleasure, let me show you...”  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai slipped down to between Gaara’s legs and sucked his balls as his hand moved smoothly on his swollen length, teasing strokes that ended with his thumb brushing over the flushed head, Gaara cried out loud ecstatic cries. His hand continued to caress Gaara's erection as his other hand slipped beneath his ass lifting it up and exposing the temptation hidden there. Sai’s tongue flicked along the tender skin behind his balls before teasing the sensitive nerves of his rim. His tongue teased the center until it eagerly gave to the warm moist probe. Gaara shivered making loud breathless urgent moans, Sai's mouth left the area and as he squirt a good deal of lube on the still reluctant but softening entrance, his mouth closed over one of his balls sucking and stroking it with his tongue.   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara was trembling at the overpowering need that was building up inside him, Sai circled the tensed area the slick liquid of the lube adding to the tease as the silken touch continued to circle. He was growing desperate with need and as the taunting finger stroked over the center he pressed down into it, it was an odd feeling not exactly uncomfortable but unlike anything he'd ever felt. His lover's finger rested there a moment before he hummed "mmm..." around Gaara's trapped ball even as he slipped the digit deeper into the slick passage and then back. He was gasping nearly weeping at the pleasure, the tease and slide of his beloved's finger so wonderful together.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
As Sai continued slowly stroking in and out, his mouth moved up to suck on the shaft of Gaara's arousal... until his body was loose and eagerly accepting of the intrusion. He drew Gaara's other ball into his mouth repeating the tease sucking hard, moaning in pleasure as his tongue caressed the trapped flesh.  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara felt the press of another finger but was distracted from it as Sai stroked his cock lightly up to just below the head and rotated his wrist to tease the tender area beneath, Gaara moaned panting in breathless pleasure. He could feel the smooth easy movement of the two fingers slowly moving in him, they scissored and he gasped, not in pain but surprise, that felt amazing.  
  
Sai stroked a bit faster pushing deeper until he lightly brushed an area inside Gaara's body that made him jump in surprise then groan, "Sai that felt so wonderful!".  
  
Sai slipped up slightly to kiss him as his fingers continued stroking deep pausing to scissor before resuming the slow tease. "Kami... how... I want you!" Gaara whimpered at the continued tease. His beloved kissed him passionately his hand stroking over Gaara's tightly pebbled nipples capturing them between his fingers and rolling them. He arched up panting and felt the slow invasion of another finger, distracted by the stimulation of his increasingly tender nipples the feeling of being full quickly ebbed away and the fingers wiggled in his passage. Gaara groaned pressing into the wonderful sensation, Sai lowered his mouth and began to suck on one of his nipples as his fingers stroked in the slick passage flexing and spreading occasionally, until he was ready to beg. Sai's desire darkened eyes rested on his face as stroked lube heavily over his erection and slipped up rocking his hips slowly and rubbing the engorged head of his cock against the slick loosened entrance.   
  
His lips dipped to tease Gaara's throat sucking on the tender flesh and nipping lightly the soft brush of his tongue over the tender areas only added to his fevered over stimulation. His spectacular lover nuzzled up to Gaara's ear tracing the shell until he was panting then sharply nipping it as the large bulbous head of his arousal slipped through the muscles. Gaara gasped at the unexpected jolt of pain but the way Sai's lips were teasing his throat while his fingers twisted and flicked the tender peaks of his nipples made the brief flash easily dismissed, his endorphins immediately dulling the pain. Now resting inside him Sai began kissing him passionately slowly his slick hard length sinking gradually in to fill him. Gaara panted, the sensation unlike anything he'd ever imagined.   
  
Sai's sensual body lay covering him and as his partner's cock seated deeply in him Sai slowly circled his hips Gaara moaned closing his eyes in pleasure. He felt Sai's soft nuzzle on his throat and his fingers teasing his arousal with feather light brushes. Sai rocked his hips gently and Gaara's body clamped down on the intrusion but as the experienced lover nibbled softly on his throat the muscles relaxed once more. He kissed Gaara passionately as his hips drew back, his skilled hand also slid back up to the swollen head of Gaara's erection, his thumb circling it. He gasped and arched unconsciously pressing down into the slow forward slide of Sai's cock within him and felt the extraordinary man's hips rock.  
  
Gaara felt so urgently needy he made desperate soft cries. When Sai drew back once more this time he pressed in faster, Gaara gasped at the wonderful sensation, the feel of Sai's swollen flesh moving within him sinking deep into him he wanted more. Sai did it again and Gaara tried to relax his muscles so the wonderful addictive movement wouldn't stop.   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai was slow and careful, stroking his enticing length and sucking and playing with his nipples as his cock began moving smoothly in and out of Gaara's tight body, the sensual man cried out in pleasure pushing down into Sai's strokes as they grew faster, sinking deep into his body, he groaned in bliss , "Sai... it feels so good!" He covered his lover's lips in a gentle kiss and replied, "It will only get better." Sai's hips pumped into Gaara steadily now and the red-haired man was nearly weeping with joy. Sai's hips slanted and his next buck was directly to his partner's pleasure spot. Gaara cried out his body bowing as his climax seared through him, Sai drew back and gave another soft buck to his prostate as his friend wailed his body trembling as the powerful waves of rapture overwhelmed him. Sai kissed his throat as Gaara came down from the euphoria, his head dipped to suck and flick his wonderful nipples as he eased out, then drew hard upon one.   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara cried out at the wonderful tease and felt the brief sharp flash of pain as the large head of Sai's arousal slipped out. He drew his beloved to him ravenously kissing him, then rolling to place him beneath him, Sai had not cum, only gave him pleasure...   
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Gaara rocked his semi flaccid member against his entrance, Sai gasped loudly, closing his eyes and he groaned, the temptation of his beautiful cock so close to his entrance teased him, never before had he pleaded, but he desired him unlike any other he'd ever touched. Sai wrapped his legs around his waist keeping him there as he rocked his hips, feeling him flush harder, his inviting entrance teasing the head of Gaara's arousal.... then slowly pressing down to take Gaara inside him. His partner panted and whimpered in pleasure, Sai kissed him ravenously and murmured, "Fuck me, please I want to feel your cock in me to know it is your cum in me... please."   
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Now that he was aware of the pain it could cause if he didn't prepare him, Gaara gave a soft groan. "Promise me I won't hurt you." He wanted Sai so greatly but he wouldn't do it if it would hurt him.  
  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Sai gave him a loving smile, "You won't." He'd had 'dry sex' with many nin after missions to relieve their tension, lube was simply not something most carried... he'd had huge men fuck him and after his 'training' by Root he was well aware the ways to prevent damage, his lover would not hurt him. He cupped his friend's face, "Please." he whimpered.   
  
  
  
**(Gaara)**  
  
Gaara groaned his resistance overcome by the intense lust he felt. He rubbed a coating of lube over his eager length and pushed forward into Sai's tempting ass. He slowly stroked, every lusty mew that came from those wonderful lips was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. The knowledge that it was the man he loved beneath him made him slow, he wanted to feel every inch of him, the glorious grasp of his body eager for his cock. Sai arched and mewed, then straightened his legs, cupping Gaara to him he rolled over placing himself on top and slipping his legs up. He sat astride him, rocking slowly then faster until his body was lifting up to the head teasing him before plunging his turgid organ deep within him once more.   
  
Gaara cried out and gasped at the intensity he'd never felt anything as extraordinary as the feel of his body, the sight of him panting his eyes dark with passion. Gaara moaned, he wish he knew how to give Sai that wonderful pleasure the skilled lover had given him, but he realized he didn't have to know as his beloved arched into one of his thrusts and cried out in rapture. He gasped at the sensation of Sai's body contracting rhythmically around his throbbing erection as the beautiful raven haired man came, unable to resist the powerful draw Gaara bucked up to sink deep into the nirvana of his lover and climaxed his hips giving smaller bucks as he moaned in bliss. Looking up at Sai, his cheeks flushed and his captivating lips parted in ragged fast breaths, he knew he wanted this man by his side forever. "Sai I love you."   
  
Sai froze looking down at him with a stunned expression but Gaara did not regret his words, they were true. His beloved lay down on him kissing him ravenously, "Gaara..." he breathed softly in his ear. "I never knew what love was until you... I'd seen the bliss on others faces but never imagined one day I would have that perfect joy for myself. I love you... from the moment I met your eyes I felt the connection, the comfort of just you being near, when I was in such great pain, it was better than any drug they could give me. When I would look up into your eyes suddenly everything seemed bearable, the gentle compassion of your gaze was a refuge from the terrible pain. I looked forward to every minute you would be beside me, I felt at peace... I felt acceptance and understanding, I felt all those things I'd desired to have but could only watch others enjoy. Before I even realized my feelings about you, you had already became the center of my world. The warmth I could not be without."  
  
Gaara stroked his face lovingly, "I am so sorry I hurt you, I almost lost you because of my foolish mistake..."  
  
Sai's lips brushed softly over his, as he drew back his gaze was adoring, "Why... what did I do? Why were you angry?"   
  
He felt ashamed but truthfully replied, "I felt like I meant nothing to you, that you were just doing as you would on any mission... just doing as you were trained to do... but even as I watched you leave I knew I was making a terrible mistake."   
  
Sai nuzzled his cheek, "I understand... when you sent me away." Gaara felt a wave of shame at the pain that was in his trusting gaze. "I thought I must have misunderstood, that it meant nothing to you... 'mission sex' only fulfilling a need, not the love I wanted so desperately. I felt like a fool, like I should have remembered my place, just a tool to be used..."

  
Gaara stopped him with a tender kiss, "Your place is in my heart, I never want to lose you again."  
  
\--------------------------------------------------  
  
**(Sai)**  
  
Several blissful weeks later Sai stood back in the Leaf Village before the Hokage, his heart racing, he didn't know what he'd do if his request was denied, he couldn't go back to the cold life of being simply a tool.  "They have offered me advanced training... including desert survival."   
  
Lady Tsunade's lips twitched at the gentle self mockery in Sai's words, "I think that is an offer that is of great value, the chance to bring new skills to the Leaf Village, the council would approve... but even if they didn't I approve."  
  
The elation he felt was so great that he nearly grabbed her and hugged her but he remained in control and only gave a little bow and turned to leave.  
  
"Sai..." He stopped and turned to her respectfully waiting, "Say hi to Gaara for me." Sai could see the affection and happiness for him in her eyes.

  
"I will." and continued out the door.  
  
  
**(Hokage)**  
  
Tsunade smiled at the closed door, she was very happy that Sai had found love, the young nin deserved it after all he'd endured in his life... and it was appropriate that it was with Gaara... Gaara had no more social graces than Sai did himself, they were perfect for each other.  For now he could train in the Sand Village, when the time came they would work out some way for him to continue to stay.  
  
\-------------------------------------------  
  
**THE END**


End file.
